I know you. We have a lot in common. You have been doing some reading and now you are pretty sure everything in the grocery store and your kitchen cupboards is going to kill you.
Before Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:
I eat pretty healthy. Check it out: whole grain crackers, veggie patties, prawns, broccoli. I am actually pretty into clean eating.
After Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:
Those crackers – gluten, baby. Gluten is toxic to your intestinal health, I read it on a forum. They should call those crackers Leaky Gut Crisps, that would be more accurate. That veggie burger in the freezer? GMO soy. Basically that’s a Monsanto patty. Did you know soybean oil is an insecticide? And those prawns are fish farmed in Vietnamese sewage pools. I didn’t know about the sewage fish farming when I bought them, though, really I didn’t!
The broccoli, though..that’s ok. I can eat that. Eating that doesn’t make me a terrible person, unless….oh, shit! That broccoli isn’t organic. That means it’s covered with endocrine disrupting pesticides that will make my son sprout breasts. As if adolescence isn’t awkward enough.
And who pre-cut this broccoli like that? I bet it was some poor Mexican person not making a living wage and being treated as a cog in an industrial broccoli cutting warehouse. So I’m basically supporting slavery if I eat this pre-cut broccoli. Oh my God, it’s in a plastic bag too. Which means I am personally responsible for the death of countless endangered seabirds right now.
I hate myself.
Well, shit.
All you want to do is eat a little healthier. Really. Maybe get some of that Activa probiotic yogurt or something. So you look around and start researching what “healthier” means.
That really skinny old scientist dude says anything from an animal will give you cancer. But a super-ripped 60 year old with a best-selling diet book says eat more butter with your crispy T-Bone and you’ll be just fine as long as you stay away from grains. Great abs beat out the PhD so you end up hanging out on a forum where everyone eats green apples and red meat and talks about how functional and badass parkour is.
You learn that basically, if you ignore civilization and Mark Knopfler music, the last 10,000 years of human development has been one big societal and nutritional cock-up and wheat is entirely to blame. What we all need to do is eat like cave-people.
You’re hardcore now, so you go way past way cave-person. You go all the way to The Inuit Diet™.
Some people say it’s a little fringe, but you are committed to live a healthy lifestyle. “Okay,” you say, “let’s do this shit,” as you fry your caribou steak and seal liver in rendered whale blubber. You lose some weight which is good, but it costs $147.99 a pound for frozen seal liver out of the back of an unmarked van at the Canadian border.
Even though The Inuit Diet™ is high in Vitamin D, you learn that every disease anywhere can be traced to a lack of Vitamin D (you read that on a blog post) so you start to supplement. 5000 IU of Vitamin D before sitting in the tanning booth for an hour does wonders for your hair luster.
Maxing out your credit line on seal liver forces you to continue your internet education in healthy eating. As you read more you begin to understand that grains are fine but before you eat them you must prepare them in the traditional way: by long soaking in the light of a new moon with a mix of mineral water and the strained lacto-fermented tears of a virgin.
You discover that if the women in your family haven’t been eating a lot of mussels for at least the last four generations, you are pretty much guaranteed a $6000 orthodontia bill for your snaggle-tooth kid. That’s if you are able to conceive at all, which you probably won’t, because you ate margarine at least twice when you were 17.
Healthy eating is getting pretty complicated and conflicted at this point but at least everyone agrees you should eat a lot of raw vegetables.
Soon you learn that even vegetables are trying to kill you. Many are completely out unless they are pre-fermented with live cultures in a specialized $79 imported pickling crock. Legumes and nightshades absolutely cause problems. Even fermentation can’t make those healthy.
Goodbye, tomatoes. Goodbye green beans. Goodbye all that makes summer food good. Hey, it’s hard but you have to eliminate these toxins and anti-nutrients. You probably have a sensitivity. Actually, you almost positively have a sensitivity. Restaurants and friends who want to grab lunch with you will just have to deal.
Kale: it’s what’s for dinner. And lunch. And breakfast.
The only thing you are sure of is kale, until you learn that even when you buy organic, local kale from the store (organic, local kale is the only food you can eat now) it is probably GMO cross-contaminated. Besides, it usually comes rolled in corn starch and fried to make it crunchier. Market research, dahling…sorry, people like crunchy cornstarch breaded Kale-Crispers™ more than actual bunny food.
And by now you’ve learned that the only thing worse than wheat is corn. Everyone can agree on that, too. Corn is making all of America fat. The whole harvest is turned into ethanol, high fructose corn syrup, chicken feed and corn starch and the only people who benefit from all those corn subsidies are evil companies like Cargill.
Also, people around the world are starving because the U.S. grows too much corn. It doesn’t actually make that much sense when you say it like that, but you read it on a blog. And anyway, everyone does agree that corn is Satan’s grain. Unless wheat is.
The only thing to do, really, when you think about it, is to grow all your own food. That’s the only way to get kale that isn’t cornstarch dipped. You’ve read a lot and it is obvious that you can’t trust anything, and you can’t trust anyone and everything is going to kill you and the only possible solution is to have complete and total control over your foodchain from seed to sandwich.
Not that you actually eat sandwiches.
You have a little panic attack at the idea of a sandwich on commercial bread: GMO wheat, HFCS and chemical additive dough conditioners. Some people see Jesus in their toast but you know the only faces in that mix of frankenfood grains and commercial preservatives are Insulin Sensitivity Man and his sidekick, Hormonal Disruption Boy.
It’s okay, though. You don’t need a deli sandwich or a po’boy. You have a saute of Russian Kale and Tuscan Kale and Scotch Kale (because you love international foods). It’s delicious. No, really. You cooked the kale in a half-pound of butter that had more raw culture than a black-tie soiree at Le Bernardin.
You round out your meal with a little piece of rabbit that you raised up and butchered out in the backyard. It’s dusted with all-natural pink Hawaiian high-mineral sea salt that you cashed-in your kid’s college fund to buy and topped with homemade lacto-fermented herb mayonnaise made with coconut oil and lemons from a tropical produce CSA share that helps disadvantaged youth earn money by gleaning urban citrus. The lemons were a bit over-ripe when they arrived to you, but since they were transported by mountain bike from LA to Seattle in order to keep them carbon neutral you can hardly complain.
The rabbit is ok. Maybe a bit bland. Right now you will eat meat, but only meat that you personally raise because you saw that PETA thing about industrial beef production and you can’t support that. Besides, those cows eat corn. Which is obscene because cows are supposed to eat grass. Ironically, everyone knows that a lawn is a complete waste in a neighborhood – that’s where urban gardens should go. In other words, the only good grass is grass that cows are eating. You wonder if your HOA will let you graze a cow in the common area.
In the meantime, you are looking for a farmer who raises beef in a way you can support and you have so far visited 14 ranches in the tri-state area. You have burned 476 gallons of gas driving your 17-mpg SUV around to interview farmers but, sadly, have yet to find a ranch where the cattle feed exclusively on organic homegrown kale.
Until you do, you allow yourself a small piece of rabbit once a month. You need to stretch your supply of ethical meat after that terrible incident with the mother rabbit who nursed her kibble and ate her kits. After that, deep down, you aren’t really sure you have the stomach for a lot more backyard meat-rabbit raising.
So you eat a lot of homegrown kale for awhile. Your seasoning is mostly self-satisfaction and your drink is mostly fear of all the other food lurking everywhere that is trying to kill you.
Eventually your doctor tells you that the incredible pain you’ve been experiencing is kidney stones caused by the high oxalic acid in the kale. You are instructed to cut out all dark leafy greens from your diet, including kale, beet greens, spinach, and swiss chard and eat a ton of low-fat dairy.
Your doctor recommends that new healthy yogurt with the probiotics. She thinks it’s called Activa.
Awesome. But seriously, my husband is raising rabbits in the back yard…any tips on preparation?
Amanda, there are some great ways to have rabbit. We braise/stew it a lot (my favorite recipe involves braising it in cream of (wild) mushroom soup) but I also REALLY like it barbecued with a nice jerk seasoning rub. Actually, that’s my favorite way to have it. We also make it into sausage as well.
Best part of roasted rabbit is the head . Brain, cheeks and tongue . Best way to kill it is to hang by one foot and gouge an eye out . Collect the dripping blood for sausage & boudin. Rip off skin for winter hats . Keep paws for goodluck charms .
hahahaha!
yummy!!!
You must have heard this one before?!
PETA; People Eating Tasty Animals
Hasenpfeffer:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hasenpfeffer-rabbit-stew/
I first learned about this dish from Bugs Bunny
Monster!!!
Ughh….that’s not even vaguely funny. Disgusting!!!
I thought it was pretty funny, actually.
absolutely agreed…no humour ,just sick to think of talking like that …..
Thank you for another essential article. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such a complete way of writing ? I have a presentation incoming week, and I am on the lookout for such information.
*high five*
Paula, this is excellent advice, but you forgot the ears-they make almost 10% of the rabbit’s weight. Also, what about the tail?
That is cruel and disgusting. How anyone can kill a beautiful animal like that to begin with is beyond me but your joke is disgusting and insensitive. Obnoxious- maybe they should hang you like that and kill you.
Reading the replies to your so very terrific post, I find myself feeling very sorry for those who have no sense of humor and take themselves so seriously. Sure glad I don’t have to live with any of them!
I grew up on a farm where we killed our own meat. Cows, pigs, chickens, and rabbits. I still did not find that funny in any way shape or form. Just sick! And people think this is a form of having “a sense of humor”?
AND then people wonder why the world is so messed up and full of crazies!? It starts with people just like this. Horrible!
Pretty sure all the crazies in this world are humorless pricks just like the above—^
Thank goodness your opinion was not around when we worked our way to the TOP of the food chain.
Next you’re going to tell us that you train lions to feel bad for eating meat. Hilarious.
all animals are beautiful. so please kill responsibly (since we are omnivores we can eat meat). I am only a veggie because i can’t afford ethical meat.
The post you are complaining about was a joke, so please get that stick out of your behind and relax a bit.
hahahahhahahahahahaha!!!
Dont worry, some of us get the sarcasm. I know you are not advocating cruelty. Some people need to chill out and have a hormone infused steak.
I second that!
and I third it!
And I fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and finally–I ate it!
Drained bunny rabbit head is freakin’ awesome with a little garlic and ginger! There’s nothing like a good bit of ginger infused gouged eye ball to bring a smile to my families faces at dinner time :)
rabbit was a staple growing up, prepared like:
fried chicken(Baked)covered in herbs
sauteed in garlic and oil, smothered in onions,
cooked(Braised ) in a pot then smothered in tomatoes and basil served over pasta
simmered in a pan with tomatoe, garlic onion, mustard greens
oven roasted (chicken style both breaded and plain olive oil ) with potatoes
tasted like chicken? oh look squirrel
@ Amanda – We stuff the cavity with herbs and butter, and then slow cook it over smoking wood chips on the grill. Smoked, herbed rabbit = yum!
But bunnies are so goddamn cute.
cute animals are the ones that tend to be the tastiest…
It’s a defence mechanism! It’s the only reason I don’t eat babies.
Sarah: another good defence mechanism: humor. Joking about eating someone somehow makes it ok… Just a thought.
Lapin à la Gueuze
http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Rabbit-Braised-in-Gueuze
Gueuze is a Belgian style of beer, funky and a bit tart, don’t buy the Lindeman’s fruited stuff, make sure it is the one the recipe calls for. But you only need one bottle not two, and drink some before you stick it in the pot.
Hey, I like the Lindeman’s fruited stuff, it’s the only way i can stand beer. Why shouldn’t I use it for rabbit?
Actually Rodenbach beer is the BEST option for stewing rabbits (don’t forget the prunes!) A good Geuze is nigh impossible to find in the States. (Says the U.S. expat in Belgium…) But I agree, don’t use Lindeman’s. It’s far too sweet and would make a nasty, nasty stew.
“A good Geuze is nigh impossible to find in the States.” I have not found this to be true. I do live in a craft beer place, though, so the stores actually carry a good variety of stuff. I’m sure most of the country is gueuze-free, but not my town!
And my favorite rabbit dish is hasenpfeffer.
Roll up in some kale and Voile …. you have Wabbit Wrap !
Bwaah haaaa! Good one. :)
Any good tips or recipes for dog meat?
Treat it like you would cat.
Why not Zoidberg?
Bahahaha. Totally didn’t expect that one. :)
Any recipe that works for goat or deer works for dog. Slow cooked in a thick stew with garlic, herbs and strong red wine is my favorite. ;~)
You can roast or fry it, pretty much any recipe works for dog because they’re delicious. Just be prepared to sweat there is some chemical in the meat that makes you sweat. Also skinny dogs taste better than a muscular or big dog for some reason. It goes without saying that younger is better than older as well. I prefer a nice Dachshund or even Chihuahua puppy slow roasted over a wood fire….
A friend of mine actually made me rabbit fajitas! It was amazing and better than chicken or beef! Now everytime I see a rabbit running around my mouth waters! And that’s no exaggeration, I really get hungry and a craving lol
Come to my house. The dogs won’t catch the bloody rabbits who are eating their way through my organically produced veggies. The buggers chew through the plastic fencing to get at the veggies. The doggies WILL eat the rabbit poop however. Wonder if it is human grade …hmmm.
Anything is edible if you cook it to 180° F. Even feces. ; )
My friends dog won’t accept any treats, but loves to gobble up rabbit poop like it’s hershey kisses.
Dogs also love cat poop, go figure. Then people let them lick their faces…. yuk.
Well some do-gooder paid to spay the bunnies in Canmore (Alberta, Canada). Now the rabbits are spending less time mating and more time digging up people’s gardens!! Oh, and I’m sure they missed a few.
How did this story turn into a rabbit eating fast?? Very sad. Leave the rabbits alone.
LOL. Get over yourself, Pat.
Rabbits are delicious. Absolutely delicious.
why? what’s wrong with rabbit but ok to do to cow or a (really smart) pig or deer or chicken? you grew up in a city in an affluent neighborhood, didn’t you?
Don’t know about preparing rabbit, although we have LOTS of them running around Calgary and Canmore. Someone actually suggested catching them and spaying them all!!! LOL I say eat them. BTW, if you are an active gardener get your tetanus shot up-to-date. The bacteria lives in soil. Just one more thing to worry about:(
Really?! A quick google will tell you that there are about 4-5 cases of Tetanus in Canada annually, and 43-55 in the US. Go stick your bare feet in mama earth. It will feel really good.
You do know part of the the reason for so few cases of tetanus is because of vaccination right (along with fewer people coming in contact with soil that can carry the bacteria)? It’s probably not something people who live in the city need to worry about being up to date on but if you are working in soil that may contain manure, you should be vaccinated.
*sigh*
Tetanus is an anaerobic bacterium. Unless you POKE A HOLE IN YOUR HAND, you can’t catch it, because it won’t grow in an oxygenated environment.
Wash your hands when you’re done digging and you’ll be fine.
Yeah, wash your hands and you’ll be fine — until you find a thorn and *do* poke a hole in your hand. Maybe you’re less klutzy than me, Dana, but it’s a rare gardening project where I don’t bleed. So I definitely keep up to date on my tetanus shots. ;-)
my father lived till 90 yrs young and had a huge garden..never had a tetanus shot…neither have I. A Canadian, if that makes any diff.
I know somebody who survived a tetanus-infection. It isn’t funny. I prefer a tetanus shot too.
Please check out wikipedia or other sources for that.
My friend’s father died of tetanus. Not a nice death.
If everything is so bad, then why do you write an entire article complaining about it? How about you just come up with some solutions?
That wouldn’t be as funny…
Indeed.
loved the article. yes solutions are always of help though….
agreed
I think the point is, if you are scared of everything….there ARE no solutions :)
A lot of folks have ruined their digestion and this has created a mess that is indeed varied and confusing. I wish the satire, which is well done, had also extended encouragement to many who are not only suffering but disdained and abandoned by their family and friends as they search for help.
erm, sense-of-humour-fail here, Wil?
I thought it was hilarious – going to send it to all my paleo/organic/vegan/orthorexic friends and family …
So us minions that aren’t as good as you can have a laugh…
It’s called Satire, Will.
It’s much more worthwhile to entirely miss the point, that’s why.
…and you wrote a comment which was just complaining about it. Now I’ve written one complaining about your complaint. This may well go on forever. It’s how the Great War started, between strangers on the internet.
You are so right.
I gained sooo much weight just eating Corn Starch.
You might have seen me on Freaky Eaters, devouring it.
Red wine is the secret. Drink enough of it and you won’t care how the rabbit is cooked.
SO true – enough wine and everything tastes fine. so what if us “healthy” eaters can eat less and less with each passing day – more WINE!
But what about the crapload of pesticides that are in that wine from the grapes?!
that’s my latest ‘cringe’. I just try not to think about it as I’m having my before-dinner cuppa that I can afford right now. (but I do think about it and the next morning imagine that those foggy feelings are from the pesticides….)! Just don’t have time for the DIY wine these years, but I sure like me some!
my dad raised rabbits in the backyard when i was a kid. we SHAKE-AND-BAKED them. they were delicious. organ meat is good for you, too. you can shake and bake kidneys and hearts and liver, even. seriously, this is a true story. i think you cook it a little shorter time than chicken because it’s a smaller animal, but i haven’t personally cooked rabbit. i’ve only shaked – we moved before i was old enough to use the oven.
Shake and Bake… And I helped!
This is a great article! You mention everything under the sun that is swarming around the internet – what is good, what’s bad, do this, don’t do that! Very funny. At first I thought this was another post supporting Kale – and maybe you do, but also realize the concequences for some. I tried the “kale” in my diet as well as spinch, nuts, beets, chard, brown rice – all the foods of our current thinking that are supposed to be good for us (detox, good omegas, and fiber etc) – and it completely left me in worse shape than when i started to “detox”. That is because I am OXALATE sensitive! And I only found out about it when bouts of UTI’s come on more frequently, only to find out they were not bacterial based! Interstitial cystitis (is what I have, not UTI’s), fibromyalgia, arthritis, vulvodynia, a whole host of other ailments aside from kidney stones (not you don’t have to have kidney stones to have these other problems) are a direct result of too much oxalate (kale, nuts, beets, spinach to name a fraction). Yes, I am yet giving you, the reader, more information to process (…HaHa), so you can file it as neccessary. :) Hope this helps anyone who is feeling more “pain” and frustration from overloading on KALE.
Diana, I tried so hard to eat a healthy diet, and even healthier when I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome (maybe Lupus), IC, and a host of other autoimmune stuff. Totally disabled and in constant pain. Then I found out that about 3/4 of my diet was rich in something called polyamine, which is really healthy and lengthens your life. Unless it increases inflammation in your body, which it does in mine. The veggies I can eat now are a short, short list. I crave tomato anything, but can’t eat it or I watch the joints on my hands swell so fast that I bruise. Some things on the very long list I can eat in small amounts without nasty consequences, but mostly if I want to be free of nasty pain in my hands and feet I stay away from … a long list of very good food. It’s sad, but worth looking into. BTW, this diet came from a doctor at a very reputable chronic pain clinic.
Oh there is an upswelling of voices…..ones that missed the humor of your article……feel it is important to help clarify…….Paleo is not about weight loss..it is about reducing inflammatory response……..if someone does not live with that issue……breathe easy……if they do..they must exercise caution. Lest the food police arrest me prior to morning, I suggest the 80 percent approach…..hello, grains are used to fatten our stock………if you want to get fat……enjoy your grains…….if someone is facing cancer…….sugar feeds cancer…..don’t eat it. Loved your article…it does make everyone crazy…….it is kind of TMI…….but, if one has a problem, they need to find an approach…….if not, live reasonably……love, luckylin
Everybody points out that cows are given grains, but what everybody except the farmers leave out, is that they are supplmented with a fat/protein concotion. Even the cows can’t get fat off just grains, though it will make them sick and throw their pH off something awful, which makes them riskier even to us.
Wow, that’s quite a piece. It didn’t point out that, unfortunately, the junk and other lifestyle influences often seem to be devastatingly problematic too. Catch 22?
Braising is good – liquid…think chili, enchiladas, even tacos. It takes seasoning well. Rabbit curry is awesome!
We swear by this blog for all our rabbit recipes… http://honest-food.net/
Mark Gilchrist’s method of rabbit preparation has worked great for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpwhOE74TMA
I too raise rabbits for meat.
White wine, bake in oven with white dry wine, with a slices of bacon in the center of the rabbit, italian seasoning, basil and a lil rosemary. TASTES AWESOME
When raising rabbits, build lots of cages!!!! I started with two flemish giants and a year later had what seemed like a hundred…… The saying multiplying like rabbits is true……
Hahaha! So true!
You forgot the evils of soy! ;)
The paleo folks are starting to rub me the wrong way….
And I didn’t get into raw milk either, I now realize! Ah well there might have to be a sequel post. ;)
Exactly! You forgot the raw milk. The pastured – fed raw milk. My share starts today! :)
Yes, please!! :D
Erica, I LOVE this! Please write a sequel!
Sequel please! I was just having this rant with a friend and feeling totally like a crazed health nut and then read this and had tears down my face because I was laughing so hard.
Awesome post! And if a sequel is in your plans you simply must include the horrors of bottled AND tap water, not to mention the high cost of a proper water filter that actually does the job.
Don’t forget distilled water versus reverse osmosis… >; )
Thankfully there is a public well near the health food store where I do all my shopping. Well water is pretty safe and healthier for you. Our well is rich in iron, so we never seem to have iron deficiencies over here. You can find your well here: http://www.findaspring.com/
yup, did the findaspring thing and found a few in our region but I’d kill a half a tank of gas on a round trip to the closest one. We can only do so much…
I live in detroit. I wouldn’t drink any water that came out of the ground around here. Unless you want to turn into the Hulk.
A good filter like Berkey actually costs way less in the long run.
Oh, please, yes! I would LOVE a sequel! This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read in a year! And hey, you did mention that the veggie burger had to be GMO soy. Thank you so much for a great laugh at myself!
You are now my husband’s hero.
Great post and, oh so true!
OMG – you had me at “grains are fine but before you eat them you must prepare them in the traditional way: by long soaking in the light of a new moon with a mix of mineral water and the strained lacto-fermented tears of a virgin.” hahahahahahahahahha!
Same here. Made the mistake of reading this while snuggling my one year old to sleep. Almost peed my pants trying to keep quiet while laughing.
Yes! While there were many, many good lines, that one was my hands-down favorite!
Sigh! I have to laugh at this post (alternative would be to cry) as we are way down the rabbit hole of paleo and anti-candida dieting due to my son being diagnosed recently with rheumatoid arthritis. Nasty stuff (disease and diet). All I want to do is give the kid a pizza (homemade margherita, of course) with some ice cream for dessert!
A slew of doctors tried to diagnose me with rheumatoid arthritis that I knew was actually late stage Lyme disease. After many trips to the ER begging for just two weeks’ worth of antibiotics they didn’t want to give me, I finally managed to convince a doctor that I knew what the crap I was talking about. How old is your son, Shanna? Rheumatoid arthritis in children is NOT common, and in my (lay, but extremely educated) opinion, is usually a b.s. diagnosis when Lyme disease is the true issue. Our medical system is distorted, and generally works to keep folks entangled within it instead of giving them the cures they really need. I refused to be diagnosed with a lifelong illness. If I had accepted the diagnosis, I would most certainly be battling crippling arthritis for the rest of my life. Instead, I fought, and I won. Today, I am perfectly healthy with no joint pain whatsoever. Just something to think about.
Thank you for your reply! I absolutely love hearing stories like yours. They confirm for me that I’m not completely cook-a-doo for having hope or for trying to find an alternative for my boy. He’s 13 and wickedly allergic to penicillin. When his joints swelled with the arthritis (they were massive) they looked just like his penicillin reaction, which makes me wonder if they are related in some way. We are seeing a naturopath, in addition to the rheumatologist, which is how I became a freak show about the diet thing. I had not considered Lyme disease and will definitely ask about that at our next appointment! Thank you again.
I completely agree with the potential Lyme diagnosis. Without writing a mini novel, my sister was diagnosed with late stage Lyme SEVEN YEARS after her first symptoms. She was actually tested for it too. I guess there are over 200 strains of Lyme but the standard test only checks for 3-5. She was finally sent to a specialist who did a thorough test that health insurance doesn’t cover that confirmed it was Lyme. She was on more meds than an AIDs patient for over 2 years. She is finally pain free. Her best friend was diagnosed with MS and later found out it was Lyme. I am getting tested for it next month. In my small town I know 20 people who have it (and that is just confirmed by the standard test). I suspect that all these people diagnosed with Fibromyalgia or MS actually have Lyme.
I am so glad I have stumbled across this article. First of all LOVE it!! Second, I am so glad to see the following comments. I am in the midst of being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis or possible Mitochondrial Myopathy and now I am suppose to see a Rhuematologist about possible RA. I am going to ask for the Lyme test first thing!
I have been researching diets to see about possible cures and it’s so confusing! I am going to give the gluten free a try.
Amy, I was diagnosed with juvenile-onset myasthenia gravis 15 years ago. While my neurologist has warned me that RA is a future possibility, I’ve been clear of it so far.
There aren’t yet any cures for MG, it that’s what your diagnosis ends up being. However, a healthy diet is a good idea in any case, not just for it’s own benefits but also as the most common and effective medication for MG is prednisone, which has several side-effects which can be handled/minimised/controlled through diet.
Do bring up Lyme disease to your doctor if the symptoms seem to fit! If you doctor is anything like mine, he will test for any other possibility it could be before giving an MG diagnosis.
Hello, my 20 yr old started having symptoms of wrist,hand shoulder pain at 18 ….one horrid doctor in LA put her on methotrexate ( chemo ) and she became quite ill..We took her off of it because he said she had psoriatic arthritis….yet she had no positive blood work and no signs on her skin at all….She has managed symptoms with prednisone when she has a flare up…This summer she had fluid build up in her wrist while we are here, in Europe…we went to a French arthritis specialist who said that she should not do prednisone or methotrexate…but instead to take Biofrenid LP for three weeks…milder..less side effects…
THIS Did not work either. Neil my daughter started to take the prednisone again..
We are in Italy now, saw an expert. Who said …..no more dancing,no wine,no pizza unless it is Italian pizza, no birth control,no abortions,no wine…..and that she neede a shot of the chemo into her arm immediately……..I’m not joking!!!!
we were tested for Lyme disease in Ca..but I did not know that it is an incomplete test….Do you think I should retest her???. And if so, what kind of specialist do I go to…
From a desperate mother of a wonderful daughter…
Jennifer, I didn’t have Lyme but had the terrible joint pain, then the insidious muscle pain that was diagnosed as fibromyalgia. The whole thing that triggered this was a rare reaction to the usually benign Fifth Disease, also known as human parvovirus B-19. i was at least lucky enough to have the parvo B-19 discovered right away. However, the docs are all grossly unaware of what this virus does to 3% of those that get it. Unfortunately, it’s turned out to be a chronic illness as I’ve dealt with the pain and fatigue for 10 years now. Changing my diet to mostly vegetarian and cutting out most sugar and processed foods was what did the trick for me. I still have the muscle pain but it’s not debilitating any more. It would be worth it to be tested for both.
My mother was diagnosed with MS about 10 years ago. This year she was diagnosed with Lyme. I wonder if it was just the Lyme all along causing her symptoms. Can Lyme cause MS-like brain lesions? She was getting those very often. I was also tested for it and was positive for a few strains but not enough for an official diagnosis. My fingers swell up to the size of obese man hands when I’m cold or if I eat too much sugary foods. I was told it was early stage arthritis. I’m 27. I also have a grade 2 brain tumor, glioma. Since Lyme has a neurological effect, I’m wondering if my ticks bites played a role in the development of the tumor. Going off topic from healthy food woos now.
CIPRO will cure Lymes. it is the antibiotic for anthrax treatment, but cured my Lymes
Cipro IS one of the few that crosses the brain barrier to get the Bb (Lyme) bacteria in the brain BUT can have bad side effects and gave me the most trouble out of zillions of antibiotics I took for Lyme. Don’t forget co-infections along with Lyme…
Dittos on the Lyme thing. My symptoms mirrored chronic heart disease for almost a year. Same story… finally got a diagnosis and 3 days into a 2-week course of Cipro I felt better than I had in years. No recurrence after 4 years now. Had I stuck with the original diagnosis I could very well be on heart meds or, worse, a pacemaker.
Lyme can kiss my ass.
But this is a blog about food. Now returning to our regularly scheduled content…
I also was dx’d with Lyme but more than that.. I was actually dx’d with a protozoan biofilm infection called protomyxozoa rhuematica. It is an inflammatory infection that is very widespread, but research is just now coming out about it.. so it is not tested for. Fry labs is *the* only one testing for it. They are located in AZ. Dr. Fry is an LLMD as well as a GP and he jsut recieved a gov’t grant to continue research on it. Needless to say I am back to being myself and no more fevers and joint pain. Interesting tidbit is that his protocol for ridding the body of the biofilm is to starve the biofilm.. you *have* to use diet, the meds won’t do enough… and this means a diet ultra low in fat, low in arganine, nightshades, fats and animal products.. all of which feed the biofilm infection incredibly. i can attest that it works!!
Actually, he doesn’t have a grant. NIH Reporter doesn’t have him listed as funded. The man doesn’t have a PhD.
Also look into Fifth Disease! I had that when I was 19, and the only reason a doctor was finally able to diagnose it was because his son had gotten it too. It causes pain and swelling in the joints, and it’s a virus so antibiotics/penicillin do nothing, but it does run its course eventually. The internet claims that it produces a rash, but I never had a rash with it. In kids, it normally lasts a week or two, but for me it lasted 6 months. My doctor said it can last up to 4 years, especially among anyone who isn’t a very young child.
Yes please look into Lyme disease. The same thing happened to my friend. She had been taking RA treatments for years and her symptoms kept getting worse so her Dr sent her to a specialist. The specialist just thought it prudent to test her for Lyme disease, which she thought was crazy. She tested positive. In those 5 years of her suffering- noone ever thought of Lyme disease. She had 2 knee surgeries and one hip replacement. She was seeing the specialist because her shoulder was going out too :(
Try googling “food grade hydrogen peroxide and Lymes disease.” I have gotten a lot of healing from a 6-month “cleanse.” The medical community has a lot of issues with it…..I think mostly because its so inexpensive and works so well for many chronic conditions and inflammation (which the sites specifically name).
Having biofeedback performed by my holistic chiropracter and practition about half-way thru he exclaimed that he had never seen so much and such rapid healing; that he would do a free evaluation at the end of the six months. Feeling better, I did not go back to him for followup (wish I had for other’s advantage). Two months ago I was bitten by a second deer tick so have been doing the cleanse as precautionary. Will go to my holistic when finished.
HP cleanse has been around since before WWI and was quite successful but unfortunately was replaced by fast-acting and profit producing penicillin and antibiotics. Only one or two recorded deaths that I know of that were children who somehow got into full-strength solutions. Directions tell how to dilute the solution. DO NOT use drug-store solutions of food grade HP as they use a preservative that is harmful if taken orally. I ordered my online from REBEKAHSPURELIVING@GMAIL.COM (Rebekah’s Pure Living). The diluted solution must be refrigerated; the 17% solution that I get can be frozen and loses about 10% strength per year as I remember.
You DO have to follow the recommended strict protocol to be safe and not get an icky stomach. And, it does come with a “bleachy” aftertaste and one can smell bleach occasionally if you stay on it for a length of time. Most people are feeling better much sooner than I did as I had the infection for years before identifying it.
Hope this is helpful.
Shanna, you might want to check out this link.
http://www.drmcdougall.com/misc/2011star/oct/videojuliea.htm
On this site you will find videos of real people who have overcome all manner of auto-immune (and other) diseases via simple the dietary changes Dr. McDougall teaches. This video is specifically about juvenile RA.
anonymiss: can you please send me an email jenniferdhart at Yahoo.com?
I just got off the phone with our provider – he’ll be tested for Lyme immediately!
Thank you!
Best wishes and healing thoughts for your son and you.
Since you seem receptive to ideas (what mother in your situation wouldn’t be?) I’ll add my two cents. My sister was mis-diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at about age 12. She was also diagnosed with additional fibromyalgia, anclosingspondolitis, etc etc. She saw all the best doctors at Stanford and UCSF. She was on tons of meds, and even had to give herself shots (yikes).
About ten years later: turns out she had Crohn’s Disease the whole time. While it was incredibly frustrating to have her be in pain so long and to be so mis-led, it’s actually good news that she has Crohn’s because you can manage it with diet and far fewer meds.
I am no doctor, and I am not qualified to make any guesses about your son. But is it possible to test for Crohn’s as well? He’s lucky to have you as his advocate, and I wish you the very best of luck. Hugs!
the Lymes test is not very reliable. too many false positives and negatives.
anonymiss – Thank you for this post. I was diagnosised with MS 2 1/2 years ago. Five months after that diagnosis, a blogger like you, mentioned that MS is often really misdiagnosed Lyme disease. As I knew next to nothing about Lyme disease, I started to research it. It was immediately obvious that I had Lyme and not MS. And it turns out I have had it for over 40 years. I don’t know where I would be had it not been for that blogger’s comments.
Shanna – Lyme is a clinical diagnosis. The lab tests are notoriously poor (they lack sensitivity – think of a pregnancy test that is right only 65% of the time). That said, don’t waste your money on any lab other than IGeneX. (I am not affiliated with this company in any way, they are just the best in the business.) Also, 70% of Lyme patients have co-infections. Ticks are cesspools of disease. You will need a Lyme literate physician to guide you through this. They are difficult to find but you can get a referral at http://www.ilads.org. Good luck to you.
Lymie,
I’m glad you just posted that. I’ve been meaning to come back to here and post the name of the test that people should get (IGeneX). Many of the people I know who have it don’t even recall being bitten by a tick. Most doctors just throw medicine at you or run a few tests and when nothing meets the “standard illness du jour” they just tell you you have Fibromyalgia and/or it’s all in your head. I believe that most of society’s halth problems are caused by our horrible diets/lack of exercise, but these types of true illnesses aren’t being given the attention they should be. Treating Lyme is extremely expensive, but so is incorrectly diagnosing/treating the problem over years.
BTW-the article is hilarious! I hope we didn’t make anyone mad by hijacking it to talk about diseases :)
Lymie,
I thought there was a specific way to test for M.S., a brain scan showing lesions, or something like that. My dad was diagnosed with M.S. almost 50 yrs. ago, he lived with it for 20 yrs. That was when they had very little research to go on & no medications either. Does Lyme Disease also cause brain lesions? I have a niece who is suffering from “M.S.”, but now I wonder…
Marilyn
Lesions on brain can be caused by Lyme. MS is a rule out disease-there’s no definitive test.
Those of you who were misdiagnosed with MS and instead had Lyme, did you have an MRI that showed lesions? I’m curious, I have a friend with MS but was interested in knowing more before I approached her with this.
I had an MRI showing lesions caused by Lyme Disease.
Shanna,
that is TERRIFIC news! Keep in mind, though, that the tests for Lyme are quite unreliable. I tested negative repeatedly, despite having a near textbook case (tick bite, “bullseye” rash, etc.). My negative tests were the main reason I had such a difficult time receiving the proper treatment. Upon my initial visit to the doctor, they did not test me but treated me with 5 days of “prophylactic” antibiotics (not nearly long enough for late stage Lyme), which then interfered with the results of the tests that were done at a later date. Like a previous commenter said, there are many strains of the bacteria that cause Lyme disease, but the tests that are used only recognize a small handful.
Best of luck!
Actually rheumatoid arthritis in children is pretty common. I’ve been dx with it since I was 23, symptoms when I was a teen. My niece was diagnosed at age 12. I’ve got friends who were dx at age 2. It happens. Lyme is often misdiagnosed, but JRA is definitely a common REAL diagnosis for children. I’ve found that food doesn’t affect the way I feel with RA. It doesn’t matter what I eat or don’t eat. What food DOES affect on me is my intestinal lining. I also have celiac, and I avoid gluten at all costs. It’s annoying and stressful. Food should not cause stress.
The reason for RA/Crohns mix-up is because Crohns causes “arthritis related to crohns.” My daughter has Crohns. She has to watch her diet, too. Autoimmune stuff sucks big time.
You should be avoiding GMOs = all of them. HFCS, CAFO meat and GMOs are causing these diseases in humans like they do in animal testing
I agree!
Jeri,
While the “diagnosis” for RA in children may be fairly common – I have seen enough cases of juvenile RA that turned out to be Lyme to make me think that most of these “juvenile RA” diagnoses are, in fact, incorrect. RA is the kind of diagnosis, like MS and fibromyalgia, that has a lot of differentials. Doctors are generally not willing to spend too much time on one single patient, and a diagnosis of RA usually gives the patients and their parents the instant gratification they seek, as well as a prescription medication that takes the pain away. Not to say that doctors are lazy, but they do lack the initiative to do anything other than write a prescription to relieve the patient’s symptoms, even if that means an incorrect diagnosis. Doctors are reprimanded for prescribing “unnecessary” antibiotics, but they are rewarded for prescribing unnecessary medications of any other kind.
What kind of symptoms where you experiencing that made them think you had RA but made you think it was lyme diseases instead? This my shed some light into what I’m feeling?
Katherine,
I’m not sure why they wanted to stick me with an RA diagnosis, because my rheumatoid factor tests came back very low, not indicative of RA at all. I knew it was Lyme because I’d removed several embedded ticks after a day of yard work and later developed all the classic symptoms associated with the progression of Lyme. A “bullseye” rash and a Flu-like illness followed several weeks later by severe muscle pain that progressed into severe joint pain and ridiculously swollen ankles (it’s often the knees that are affected, though) with pain and weakness so severe that it left me nearly unable to walk for eight weeks. I ignored the rash because it wasn’t the typical “bullseye” with the clearing in the middle but rather, had an area of clearing off to one side. It seems most of the mainstream information that’s out there about Lyme is horrifyingly incorrect or incomplete. With RA, as I understand it, the pain is most severe upon waking and then improves throughout the day. I had terrible stiffness upon waking, as well, ,but my pain only worsened throughout the day instead of improving.
My husband was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I didn’t believe it and took him off processed foods and wheat. He’s fine now.
yes, have him checked for lyme! arthritis in kids is almost always lyme!
FYI for anyone looking for alternative (herbal) treatments for Lyme…
http://www.greendragonbotanicals.com/
I don’t think so because there are tons of kids in cities that get diagnosed with Juvenile RA. I would think it is even more common in people (esp women) in cities, where it is very unlikely to find ticks.
People with RA could be diagnosed with Lupus however. The symptoms are quite similar, but are treated with different medicines.
In any case, all of the above are Autoimmune diseases..
The modern allopathic medical complex can’t “cure” anything. Could someone please name one single thing they’ve ever cured?? Vaccines can be the start of a lot of those illnesses mentioned in the reader comments above. You destroy the myelin sheath and you destroy a lot of nerves and cause a lot of collateral damage to your body. Vaccines when we are/were youngsters can remain in the body for a LONG time, which is why the idea of booster shots is absurd.
I have no idea if your son’s diagnosis is wrong, but if it is, and if this humor post helped you get new info that leads to a correct diagnosis, I shall consider it one of my prouder and more important moments in the bringing of people together through this blog. Whatever the outcome, good luck to you and your son.
Thank you for all that you do. I have learned, and laughed, so much from what I’ve read here. I’m not a frequent post-er, but I check this site every single day. I enjoy your writing, the information you provide and your down to earth, funny personality.
Shanna,
Twenty one years ago I had what I thought was the flu. Within two weeks it was worse and bad enough that my joints started to ache. I finally went to the doc who sent me to an arthritis specialist. A rude and horrible man who, without testing for RH told me I had it and promptly prescribed prednisone.
I begged for help, relief from the pain and was just given more meds. Fast forward a years. Barely able to care for my children I ran into someone I had known from a networking group. I was barely recognizable. Weight gain from the steroids plus a cane did it!
While not a nutritionist she was well versed in nutrition and begged me to get off of the drugs and try some naturopathic treatment, assuming the horrific divorce I had to go through, losing our home, becoming a single mom…those had all affected my adrenal system detrimentally and I was displaying the symptoms of RH without actually having it.
It took one year but one day I just realized. It’s gone. My body was weak from lack of activity and had another year to regain the strength I had once had but the good news? It has never returned. I have no signs of arthritis today…and so I caution people to keep looking but even if there is the RH factor, I know that there are many things you can do to to make it better that don’t involve drugs. Do your research and the best of luck…I’m praying that your daughter and I have something in common and that her biggest champion…you…will continue the fight for her quality of life.
Barbara,
The story of your illness is uncannily like my own! Flu-like illness followed by such severe muscle and joint pain that I found myself almost completely unable to get around for 8 weeks, until I finally managed to persuade a doctor to treat me for Lyme disease. 3 days after beginning the antibiotic regimen he prescribed, my pain and swelling had begun to subside and I was able to resume my normal life again! I am so sorry that you had to go through your ordeal for so long with no relief! Our medical system, unfortunately, is designed to treat the symptoms instead of eliminating the underlying cause. Most doctors will not even entertain the notion of a Lyme diagnosis because it has become so “controversial” lately. I realize you were never diagnosed with Lyme but your story mirrors my own, and so many others I’ve heard in my support groups when I was dealing with this nightmare!
This is a wonderful blog, and comments!
RA is a terrible thing to have, so sorry to hear. However, diet can help.
If anyone is interested, you can find out the inflamation factor and glycemic load of any food at http://nutritiondata.self.com/
I know someone with rhuematoid who has researched many foods here, and has been able to lower their RA factor and doesn’t have flare ups (still taking enbrel, though)Basically he eats a lot of fish, fresh fruit and veggies. But on occasion- a pizza and ice cream is on the plate.
Good luck,
Hilarious post and just what I needed today! I think I’m one of those that actually did develop an oxalate sensitivity…my joints have been getting worse and worse and was just about to look into autoimmune disease and finally someone mentioned oxalates. I looked back at my diet for the last several days and everything I had eaten were high in oxalates — quinoa, wheat, rhubarb, lots of nuts, tea, sesame, chocolate, sugar…I had eaten all of them, and hadn’t been taking any of my supplements. After two days of moderate oxalate (they say don’t remove all of it at once or it can cause dumping) and lots of supplements (magnesium, K2, calcium, arginine, and did I mention magnesium and K2? :) I’m already feeling quite a bit better so I think I’m onto something.
I had similar symptoms to Lyme Disease when I was about 8. It took doctors forever to figure out that it was Streptococcus A Group which had progressed due to going so long without a proper diagnosis into Rheumatic Fever (horrific joint pain was what started them looking into all the other possible illnesses with that symptom). As it turns out, I was a carrier for Strep throughout my childhood. After a month in the hospital, a shocking amount of antibiotics, and a tonsillectomy I haven’t had an issue since. Might be another possibility.
you can skip the palaeo, it’s made up and has no grounds in science. (really, I’m on the science side and this stuff can easily be debunked)
Oh so true!
Hilarious! Loved the Mark Knopfler reference- ha!
hahahahaha!!! BUT WHAT’S THE ANSWER!?!?!? I thought there’d be an answer (other than kale and activa… don’t have time to wait around. I have a garden to water, eggs to collect, ducks and chickens, a goat and a lamb to let out to free range and a LGD to feed! Bread to bake, blueberries to can, etc.,etc.,etc.)
But THAT is why Erica is my awesome heroine. No answer, just some fucking funny commentary and humble commiseration.
Now I’m going downstairs to eat a big fat piece of non-fair trade chocolate cake.
Because she has no answer. Complaining and criticising is an easy thing to do!
the answer is stop all this crazyness. All those diets are BS. there is no such thing as a palaeodiet. (not beyond the made up modern diet that is based on atkins). Be more critical. stop believing everything and stop jumping on every bandwagon.
The answer is to learn to listen to your body. There is no easy answer. I also believe that working to get the most dangerous stuff out of our food supply is a good thing to do… pick a cause or 2 that you care about and remember we are only human and can only do so much. “Perfect is the enemy of good.” And also it’s important to remember that a healthy diet will not save you from the disasters of constant stress. Live happy. :)
Oh girl, this was delightful! Very much looking forward to a sequel post!
I hope a sequel post addresses the flip side of the coin as well.
In too many situations over the past 50 years, social bullies, particularly older women in a family or group, literally have terrorized whole generations of families into compliance with their approved Standard American Junk Diet/lifestyle. Decades later, many of the family members are now so weakened and sick that some have been forced to buck the approved status quo (and bear the sneering), but are in so deep with confusing, complicated health challenges that they can hardly dig out.
For example, 40 years ago, as a teen, I witnessed, horrified, the most courageous mom I know verbally and maliciously torn to shreds and ostracized, permanently, for a quiet but firm objection to significant amounts of junk given her kids without her permission in her social group. No, she was not noisy, she was quiet, and didn’t preach unless asked. Her peers saw her quietly change her family’s diet with reasonable success due to serious health challenges in her family. They interrogated her, and, as a group, shunned and scorned her for decades as she raised her family among them, emotionally alone and ignored, as best she knew at the time. Her wishes and many later parents’ wishes regarding their children were highhandly disregarded in that group. The message was clear. “If you choose a ‘healthy diet’ lifestyle you will not have a social life here.” Many other parents in that and later generations were cowed by the disdain, shaming and and shunning she and anyone else experienced if they tried to improve their diets or avoid junk. Sadly, the weak and ill young people, (including neurological/mental illness), and their parents in that social group have paid a high price for caving to the pressure of these social tactics.
If we had paid courageous attention to the faithful warnings years ago, we likely could digest our food better now.
Dear Anonymous: you (you specifically, not including any other anonymous commenters) have now left 10 anonymous comment replies on this post. While your perspective is welcomed, if you have that much to say, please consider introducing yourself to the people with whom you are having a dialog.
Thanks,
The Author
Fair enough Erica, I am a married mom of several kids, now all mid twenties to mid thirties. I am almost 60. We have several RNs and other licensed medical professionals/researchers in our family.
Due to a strange, medically unexplained, but fairly horrible neurological reaction to a dr supervised gluten challenge by one of our college kids, I did an extensive literature search on gluten syndrome. Thankfully we found answers, our daughter recovered and is a nurse today. Since then for the past 10 years, I, as have many others, looked deeper for possible underlying causes of the downturn in social health and for worthwhile responses to this trend. I also try to encourage and support those who have fallen in the same medical crack we tumbled into.
I regret that I allowed significant social bullying to influence my direction as a young mother. Our family paid too high a price. I believe supporting kids and prereproductive young people is critical, and positive encouragement is key.
Thanks so much for your contributions to backyard sustainability, Erica.
BRILLIANT!! Thanks so much for the good laugh, now back to my kale!
I keep it simple and just eat all the recipes from NW Edible! Nutritious and delicious! I can’t wait to make my lacto-fermented cherry salsa tonight!
Hey Dan – I updated instructions on that salsa. I think the ferment should be quick, like 12-36 hours tops. Mine went 48 and that was a bit too long. I’ll email this to you as well so you are more likely to see it.
Holy Hell! Too F’ing funny!
We as a society and planet have become slightly insane. Oh food, what has become of you? I think we are also slightly more crazy, here in the PNW.
What happened to eating like the French? Oh, I guess they’re snobs. However????
Anyway, thanks to my friend Kathy for posting this on facebook. I’m a new fan, and I think we might have a thing or two in common.
Dianne
It’s even funnier if you read it seriously! LOL (Which I did until the giggles started)
But wait! What about iodine? What about magnesium? And if you garden too much is that considered lifting, slow movement or chronic cardio? ARGH!!!!!
My fave is the carbon neutral lemon.
Haha mine too.
Once upon a time when I was sixteen-years-old and eating nothing but bone broth and kefir (yes, I’m serious), I went to the doctor for a check up. He said my blood pressure was too low. Was I eating enough? Oh I was on a diet. Well, if I’d eat more, I’d be fine. People need to eat, and he didn’t find diets did anyone much good. XD
Love!
Bwa ha ha! You nailed it on the head! Man, I get so confused sometimes. Don’t forget about saving heirloom seed so that we get REAL nutrients instead of the grocery stores’ watered-down version of fruits and vegetables.
OMG that was hilarious! I think I pulled a muscle laughing!
OMG, this is totally me! I could not stop laughing while reading this, because, yes, as you stated in your first sentence – you do know me! <> Funny, yes, and all too true. Thanks so much for this post – I’m glad to find that I’m not the only one who’s had all these tragically comic – but-i’m-not-irrational – thoughts. ;)
Are you making fun of me???? ;)
lmao. awesome post.
…. I think she’s making fun of all of us a little bit…. she’s so right!
… and BTW – what is ‘parkour’? Wait, wait – let me do a search for it, because everything posted on the Internet is true, right?
… and I’m sure I’ll get paid back one day for all the hot-dogs-and-ramen-noodles I ate with my kids when they were three. I already did the $6000 ortho thing, and he really wasn’t all that snaggle-toothed! What the….?
I’m still laughing – Erica, this was great! Thanks!
…and I still LOVE hot dogs and ramen noodles, so there!
LOVED this.
Hello Rachel! And Erica I am going to auction off Bella’s coat and your tea towel now that you are famous. Because you touched them. And they are still at my house. Also come get you some wabbit and kale before school starts. xo!!
Wow… just reading this humorous post made me feel anxious ;)
Thank you!!! This made me laugh out loud and realize that we just need to take a deep breath and do the best we can :) :)
Jesse M I so agree with your comment and everyone else’s. You’ve just said it so well in a nutshell. Oh dear I hope its OK to have it in a nutshell. I hope you are not allergic to nuts. LOL !
Thanks for the giggle! I definitely saw myself a little in this, and it’s a great reminder to let go of perfection and suck the juice out of every moment, organic or not!
This just makes me want to throw up your hands and go to the drive thru at KFC.
Oh so true and oh so silly. Moderation in everything in life. Too much of any food can kill you. Strange thing is I prefer Chard over Kale and don’t think I have a single Kale plant in my garden right now. Perhaps I should grow some over the winter. Meanwhile, I think I need to bookmark this post and send it to a few people every time they e-mail me concerning one radical diet or another.
And remember Monsanto is the devil.
Kitty, Three times I misread your comment: “This just makes me want to throw up IN your hands and go to the drive thru at KFC.” Which is quite a different spin on that sentence, isn’t it? Oh dear. ;)
@Erica, that’s what I kept reading until I read YOUR comment. ;0)
I almost would be rolling on the floor laughing, except I see too much of me in this. Good one. Well-Done! I do think I need to check lacto-fermented coconut oil mayo, though, for reals!
omg, this is so great. You totally nailed it. I’m so glad I found you- I have my own little homesteading/cooking/growing blog, and I’d love to be blog friends :)
Thank you for the grins, and for the belly laughs too. Great piece! I’ll be sharing it forward on my FB page later today.
Brilliant.
Just got back from a round trip across the country in an RV, with dead corn in the midwest and very sad and unhappy Black Angus cows wilting in the 100+ heat. These poor creatures are supposed to be in SCOTLAND, for cripe’s sake, not Nebraska. Damn you, Cattleman’s and your stupid marketing campaigns! I thought, That’s IT- not ordering anything labelled Black Angus! I’m only ordering things labelled ‘Texas Longhorn”, because THOSE cows look fine.
The list of things that make me completely insufferable just keeps getting longer and longer. Next year, I expect to go completely Fruitarian, but only for heirloom fruit and vegetables that are one generation away from their wild progenitors, fed on pristine glacier water and hand picked by virgin fairies and elves with high job satisfaction that are being paid a useful wage that includes a healthcare plan and six weeks vacation a year.
Awesome Lisa! Make sure you keep us posted with the sources you find. LOL
Please say you’re kidding about the cows in Nebraska! Speaking as a Nebraska native and resident and as the daughter of a Nebraska farmer and cattle owner, and as the sister of a Nebraska farmer and cattle owner, I really really hope you’re kidding. Some of the best beef in the nation comes from Nebraska. We are going through one of the worst droughts in 50 years. Yeah, everyone is suffering, including the cattle. There’s no grass for them to eat in the pasture right now in western Nebraska because there hasn’t been any rain.
I was just going to say the same thing – the drought in the midwest is wrecking havoc on crops and animals.
Well, I’m thinking about your poor cows, lack of rain and climate change…growing too much Mansanto corn as fodder for your poor cows, lack of rain and climate change. I’m thinking of all that is released from the GMO-ed shit that is fed as fodder for your poor cows, lack of rain and climate change. Just stop eating meat of any kind for your own health and that of the earths’ – enough said
I resemble that statement :-)) So very true!
Oh, I needed to read this! My husband and I watched Forks Over Knives and we’ve been trying very hard to adopt a vegan lifestyle ever since. So we’ve been eating tofu, drinking soy milk and a few other soy things, along with lots of veggies, beans, etc. Then I read that soy is SO bad for you. Then I find an equal number of people saying Soy is good for you. Argh! I need more protein, but if I don’t eat soy I have to rely on legumes, right? I can not possibly eat more beans than we are eating now. No. I will spontaneously combust if I eat more beans, as much as I love them. So I just decided to eat the freaking soy, eat the beans, stop the meat, dairy, eggs and hope for the best. And also, the Forks Over Knives plan has a lot of grains in it which means carbs, right? My carb-counting friends freak out over that. seriously, the only food that would be perfect and make everyone happy does not exist. Thanks for the laughs and perspective.
I think I read the perfect food is a cucumber. I am going on a cucumber only diet.
I don’t think what it is perfect for is eating…
I don’t know. My acupuncturist says cucumbers are too cooling, and I should be only eating “warming” foods… :) But there must be a perfect food out there.
I always liked the joke, “Chocolate is the perfect food: it contains all the major food groups…sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine”
Lori, you are sharing my pain/paranoia to the inth degree. I’ve been doing the Engine 2 diet (the kinder, gentler FOK by Esselstyn’s son) and I *just* sat down from staring into my fridge thinking “no soy today, had some yesterday…was that too much?” There’s a blogger/author called Happy Herbivore that has a lot of good non-soy recipes, but christ why am i spending time searching for non-soy recipes?!? it’s like “do you hear yourself?” I also have decided to just roll the dice with it. As the post outlines, if the soy doesn’t get you everything else will.
Lori – try Quinoa. It’s one of the few non-meat foods that has the complete set of protiens. If you pair corn and rice that works pretty well too.
*lol* just saw the grains/no grains part – Tell your anti-carb friends to go eat some pasta :P Complex carbs are great for us, and very necessary. Forcing your body to rely on too much fat/protien for energy causes a buildup of ketones. Since you’re going vegan, carbs are no only hard to avoid if you want to make sure you get all your nutrients, it’s unnecessary to do so.
I eat paleo, and I can assure you we eat carbs – you can eat a shed load of carbs without touching a grain. Carrots, sweet potato, yams, turnips, rutabaga, beetroot, parsnips, celeriac, edamame, Winter squash – even onions and leeks are quite high carb.
And I’m getting a hellava lot more other nutrients from these veg than you’re getting from pasta.
Thanks for your reply. It’s frustrating, for sure, but comforting to know I’m not alone. I feel like I’m learning a new language with no idea how it REALLY sounds, how it is really used.
Seriously, people over-hype the protein thing. I’ve been vegetarian since 1990. Was veg all through my pregnancy and I had a very healthy 11 lb. 2 oz. baby boy. Check with a nutritionist to find out how much protein you actually need – you’d be surprised how much you get, even in a vegan diet. Unless you’re some kind of Olympic weightlifter, you probably need a lot less than you’d think.
I eat as organic and local as I can afford which isnt much these days. I can my own stuff and try to buy those from a good source too. But I cant always do that. Honestly Im tired of all the diets, threats by Drs. and more and big companies pushing their junk. Im at the point now where Ill eat what I like, avoid what I can and the heck with the rest………after all we dont get out of here alive anyway.
OMG! Laughed so hard I cried… and almost pee’d my pants! Sharing it all over the place. I’m eating plant-strong (skinny doctor diet) and been gardening for only 2 seasons and I’m HOOKED! Where do I sign up for your feed? LOVE THIS!!!
Hysterical! Too true! Superbly crafted! Deserves to go “viral”!
You are hilarious!!! I was laughing tears!!! Don’t forget that too much kale can lower thyroid hormone production. Haha!!!
funny I knoe that all things are good but in moderation . good to learn about kale , did not know it lowered thyroid production. good to hear some of this .
So, so funny, and so, so true, at least in my household. I love food, but boy does it ever feel like a minefield sometimes (a tasty, tasty minefield…)
I needed a good laugh this afternoon. Thanks, Erica!
This came at just the right time for me! I’ve been attempting to eat a “whole food” diet with no preservatives, chemicals, etc.
My sister is the expert. Today I told her that I had a hamburger last night–even though I know the hamburger is processed. Then she added “What about the bun?” Me: “Uhm…I bought whole wheat, no preservatives buns?” Her: “Yeah well, you really need to eat only one piece of bread a day (or less if you can).” Sigh. Me: “Well, for breakfast I had a banana and yogurt, so that’s good at least.” Her: “A BANANA? Do you know that’s the worst fruit you can eat? It has tons of sugar!….”
And so it continued. Sigh. Then I read your blog and laughed hysterically at the ridiculousness of it all. I’ll just eat the best I can and feel good that I’m not eating bleached flour, refined sugar, and veal. :)
Good news–kale is actually low in oxalic acid–it’s still safe!
http://www.calciumrichfoods.org/reducing-oxalic-acid-vegetables/
This made me laugh so very, very hard!
haha! i came here specifically to say that. ha! yay kale! (spinach on the other hand…)
BWAAAAHHHHAAAAAAA! You rock
Hands down, one of the best things I’ve read all year, and I’m smack on page 176 of “Ulysses”.
Bwahahahaha! This was awesome!
Hahaha. I have an urban farm, just beginning, in the suburbs of Colorado, where I rototilled the grass under. No chickens yet, but have thought about it.
Found this through Running For Burgers on Facebook, and spent an hour wandering around reading. Thank you for this blog! Love it a lot.
Laughter is the best medicine.
At least we aren’t dealing with theories about which jokes are best for health….yet.
hehehe. :-D
This. Is. Great. Thanks!
hey – nice to “run into” you here! :)
Where do they sell Lacto-Fermented Virgin Tears? I think I need me some of those!!
;)
EXACTLY! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels like this! SERIOUSLY! I no longer beat myself up for ‘failing’ because where’s the winning!
I’m plugging my ears, growing my own food and enjoying :)
This was great and so informative!! I have been gulen free, milk and monsanite free for almost 3 yrs. ViSalus meal replacement shakes has made it so much easier over the last 3 months. There is an answer out there. You just have to find it.
You’ve got to watch the ViSalus stuff – some of it is sweetened with Sucralose!
It would be way funnier if it all weren’t so close to the truth. I’m glad somebody said “Get a Grip!” Great job Erica (again). What I find interesting is that with social media the way it is we swing and slew our ways across the eating opinion spectrum in a matter of months whereas dietary diatribe once took many months or years to catch on. I remember growing up with my mother on the Macrobiotics wagon which almost seemed to belong secretly and exclusively to people who bought health magazines. Years later it was Pritikin (when the true commercial value of a “health diet” was realised by companies) and then Atkins and these movements lasted a few years but now dietary ethos comes in and out so fast that before my lacto-fermentation was done I was old hat and Paleo-poor.
My gawd this is awesome. Dead on. Now excuse me while I head to my favorite vegetarian co-op and buy all my non-gmo food in bulk with my pre-weighed re-used glass jars I’ve been collecting for my grocery trips. All locally grown and produced food – of course – labeled very diligently with facts on providers/farms/families – how far away the farms are, how many acres do the chickens have to graze, how much solar and wind power they use, and how their goods get transported to the store in bio-fuel vehicles, including the raw milk. I’m serious. I love it and at the same time, have to laugh out loud. How did it come to this?…… thanks for the blog – hilarious.
I needed this laugh tonight. Not sure what to do though, my kale succumbed to aphids and I had to feed it to my chickens. :)
That’s actually really good. You really shouldn’t be eating eggs at all, even from backyard hens, unless they are fed exclusively kale (for the kale-vitamins) covered in insects (for the protein). This is absolutely true. I read it on a blog post once. ;)
try planting marigolds next to the kale the aphids do not bother them.
Omg, I will be laughing for a couple hours over this post. Very well written and extremely entertaining!
hilarious, my dear. and oh so freakin’ true.
That. Was. So. Funny.
You are my new hero. Thank you, I sooo needed the laugh!
Hilarious! So why does my husband keep asking me to “eat normally”???
This is gold! I can relate to every single aspect – these thoughts race through my mind every time I open my mouth to insert food. I am torn between the findings of the China Study and reconciling that with the Cure Tooth Decay findings and the Weston A Price foundation approach. Eeeep! Such a funny and true post, thank you for sharing!
We’ve healed cavities in our family.
This article sounds like a commercial for Activa.
It sounds to me like an ad for anti-anxiety meds.
Now I can’t get the Activia song from the commercials out of my head.
This was funny! I’m not big into dieting or anything but I read the whole article thinking there would be a grand solution or something and when I got to the end, your point was clear without a conclusion at all! Great. I shared it on FB
Ok, This is hands down the best thing I’ve read all week. My husband is trying to get a diagnosis for some kind of weird liver thing he has and the doc has suggested as a precautionary measure to cut out all iron rich foods. He also has gout and we try to be aware of the food we eat. But last night I had a melt down, this is F..ing ridiculous! I want to just eat food. Food that I know. Not anything crazy assed, but you know the stuff my grandmother would recognize!
I will be sending the link to this site to a lot of my friends.
Thanks for the giggles.
Evonne: Your husband should have his PH level tested. If he has gout, I am guessing his PH level is low and his body is on the acidic side which most likely means his body has less oxygen than required for his body to operate normal. From what I have read and researched, oxygen kills cancer. So, you might want to get his PH level tested ASAP.
If his pH is acidic to a significant degree he’s got bigger problems than gout/liver function/cancer.
Sometimes, I stand in the grocery store exhausted from all the possible implications of how my food dollars are spent, and just want to buy a can of Pringles and eat them in secret in my car. Love this. SO SO funny.
Wow.. have you been inside my head?? LOL
I am so messed up because I have food sensitivities/allergies to both wheat and corn. ( The corn allergy is so bad, I haven’t been able to walk into a movie theater since the last Dark Knight flick)
I am 55 eat whatever the hell I want. My blood pressure is normal, my cholesterol is low, I can swim and run a mile. Don’t listen to these “flavor of the week” idiots, they are usually promoting a book or something. Eat well and enjoy life, it’s too short to worry about crap like this.
Curious, since you seem to do pretty well, what do you do to recover autistic kids?
Awesome post, I found myself in a very similar situation. I decided to not focus on perfection, but improvement. Since I was what I call a “Costco Mom” most of our meals came from a box in the freezer, just about any change was better. I think I’ve found a happy balance and don’t stress as long as I’m eating better than I was. I have a few items I’m strict about and others I’ll let slide a bit. I’ve given up on the internet since you can find a convincing article both for and against most any topic. I’m a fan of Michael Pollan and eat as local as is practical, but I just don’t have the energy or desire to research everything I put into my mouth.
What a brilliant article! I think about this all the time and think that a high level of discrimination is necessary — more than ever, with all this unverified information floating around on the Internet. What a conundrum.
Well, this is me but my former eating habits that resembled that of the “average” American led me to severe acid reflux and probably contributed to my body developing and being disabled with MS (not Lymes – I’ve been tested repeatedly). Almost everyone I know is battling a major health or weight problem and I look around at what they’re eating and it’s no wonder. I joke that I’m the healthiest sick person I know! On paper, I’m in perfect health and while I could be hit by a bus today, I’ll die feeling pretty darn good. It’s good to laugh at ourselves and remember to not get too obsessed but I’ll stick with my gf/ df /low corn / low sugar / high oils + plenty of kale for now. Thanks for the laugh.
Totally cracking up … because this is my life. lol Well, it’s not that bad.
But I think it should be mentioned that it’s the stress at the end of the day from trying to eat well that really does us in.
This is awesome. I’m an RD and I roll my eyes at all of those who fall off the deep end with everything they hear. Eat it all, in moderation and move. Voila. Thanks for the laugh :)
Best. Post. EVER! Oh the anxiety of eating healthy, ethically, and locally!
Frying seal liver? That’s crazy talk. You eat that shit raw.
Samantha, thank you. THIS is the one that made me laugh out loud for real.
This is the greatest thing I have ever read. Mostly because I relate to it 110% because this is pretty much my life for the past 5 years. I’m pretty sure you wrote this about me. Every day someone skips the meat helper box and the drive-thru and makes something from scratch at home it’s a step in the right direction!
haha, too bad the the bacteria culture in Activia yogurt is derived from poop :)
http://meghantelpnerblog.com/2012/04/12/is-thereactivia-yogurt-rat-poop/
Love it! I do have gluten-sensitivity/Celiacs, but have never been officially diagnosed because I started this journey: Went to a Naturopath who had helped a friend discover she was gluten-intollerant. She had me cut out gluten “just to see” (now know that prevented me from getting an official diagnosis) and did an allergy test which told me I was allergic to literally EVERYTHING. Test said I could eat brocolli, rice and beef, because that was only mildly trying to kill me.
So my Naturopath convinced me to cut out the 7 big allergens – eggs, milk, nuts, soy, wheat, corn and fish. Additionally I couldn’t eat chicken, lamb or turkey – the chicken and turkey actually caused me to have real physical effects – my hands and throat blistered when I prepared or ate it. I had to keep a food diary and submit myself for a bi-weekly scolding about my food choices. It was when I’d lost 50lbs and she was critizing me everytime I ate more than 1000 calories in a day – and LOVED it the days I was under 700 cal [the offical caloric intake during the Dutch Famine] that I KNEW this was crazy.
I’m back to eating just about everything but gluten, eggs and chocolate, all of which I could not introduce back into my diet without massive amounts of pain accompanying them. My son gets about 50% organic food, but I’m just going to appreciate eating again :D
It sounds like your naturopath had a disorder of her own: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthorexia_nervosa.
Oh great, now what do I eat?? Even Kale has been wiped of our menu, not good for hypothyroidism …..so I read on the internet!!
OMG! This is hilarious and I’m loving the comments! You forgot about water. Harvard study shows it will lower your intelligence. Unless you drink well water that is. Then you are just going to die of cancer. Drink wine. Cheers!
OMG, I laughed so hard! You are writing about me! I am so desperately trying to do the right thing for my family, researching, reading, etc.. but I am so sick of it to tell you the truth! One pediatrician tells me no milk, bad for the body, the other says, you must give 1/2 L a day, I am so confused. Raw or pasteurized, organic, is it really? When they bring it from a 3rd world country that’s happy to add the word BIO to make more money. Ugrr… So exhausted of this and once you go that route, you can’t really turn back cause everything I look at with disgust now and guilt when I do eat it! Anyway, thanks for making me laugh so hard I had activa coming out of my nose ;)
You forgot the one where drinking water will kill you. I saw it on facebook.
First off, great read- thanks for writing and posting it!
I just wanted to chime in on the whole Arthritis conversation. My son was diagnosed with JRA when he was one (1) year old. Nearly broke my heart to see him try to stand only to crumple in pain and wake up in the night crying in pain. The swelling in his ankle was noticeable and you could literally feel the heat when you wrapped your hand around it gently. The doctors had him on a series of anti inflammatory meds (all unsuccessful) which I allowed right up until they wanted to get him on some liquid chemo treatment… that’s when we decided to look outside of “western medicine” and I am sooooooooo thankful that we did. What good would it have done to destroy his organs to reduce his ankle pain? I wish I could tell you exactly what it was that cured the swelling and pain but I honestly don’t know. I believe it was the fish/omega oils but again- dunno. what I do know is that when all of our genius, super advanced and scientific methods fail- consider going back to basics.
kind regards,
a dad
Hahahahahahahaha! The whole food thing has just become too weird in recent years. I have Sjogren’s syndrome (dx through a biopsy and definitely not Lyme Disease) and spent 9 years with constant nerve pain, sucking down steroids to stay vertical and opiates to stay non-suicidal. I was working hard at eating ‘right.’ Lots of leafy greens, tons of veggies, fresh salsa all the time (I made it). Little meat, soy instead of dairy. Then I was handed a diet by the Swedish Hospital (Seattle) Pain Clinic and told that it was not well known and MIGHT help the pain and inflammation. It did. It cut out everything high in polyamines. No more: tomatoes, broccoli, spinach, squash, basil, dill, eggplant, mushrooms, mussels, cauliflower, legumes, … the list is very long and my diet now is very boring. But after a total elimination I challenged and saw that tomatoes (in any form), all cruciferous veggies and spinach in particular caused my joints to swell, neuropathy to start tingling in my hands and feet and the nerve pain in my face to go off the charts. Oh yeah, no soy. At all. Try avoiding soy lecithin. It’s everywhere. But I feel better. I no longer take steroids, I weaned myself off morphine. I’ve dropped half the anti-seizure meds I used to take and I’ve stopped taking muscle relaxers and anti-depressants.
There is no single way to eat that is right for everybody. And if I stopped to consider the political and cultural implications of my current diet it would make me crazy. I don’t. I just eat what doesn’t hurt me and try not to worry. Stress hurts us all.
Great article and I’m still laughing about the virgin tears. I have friends who I swear would buy it off the shelf if it turned up at Whole Foods in a cute, totally recyclable bottle.
This. Is. GLORIOUS. :D
Way too much of ‘the sky is falling’ mentality going around for me. Here’s my deal. My dad is 90 years old. He has never had a heart attack or cancer. He has pretty much just eaten whatever during the course of his life but has never over-imbibed. He has smoked one pack of cigarettes a week for as long as I can remember (really…just one). He was just told by his doctor he should probably stop with the donut for breakfast since it looks like he is showing some signs of diabetes. At 90!! His response? We all die…I’m not going to be changing much now so I can assure myself of a ‘long’ life…I’ve already had one!
I like his attitude and I’m very much his daughter. I am more conscious of ingredients and make most of my foods from scratch and while sensitive to those with allergies also see people flock to GF like it’s cool (ask my friend who has celiac’s disease just how cool it is when you REALLY have to deal with it).
I swear, I think the worries over foods today and the attendant stress has to be a factor too!
Let’s be fair though, the worst part of the stress is the social disdain.
I believe in the “anything” diet. Eat whatever you want, in small quantities. Moderation… Moderation…
You are a genius! I recently experienced this madness myself (and have home baked organic kale crisps in the fridge as we speak but thankfully sanity prevailed before I handed over our lifetime’s worth of savings at the local health food store for a minuscule packet of raw cacao nibs and agave nectar. Food shouldn’t be a constant source of anxiety, and our health is most definitely not dependent on some obscure, hard to find ingredients that we don’t even know how to pronounce. I’m going back to the ‘everything in moderation and eat your greens’ approach. I think my bank account will thank me.
Good thing you didn’t get the agave nectar because that stuff will kill you! It’s 90% fructose and we all know how bad fructose is. ;)
(But really, agave nectar is bad stuff)
I’m so sorry you loose, seems the neighbors are bringing you up on charges for cruelty to animals and suing you because you warped their kids ideal of the Easter bunny. How very un christian of you.
Lol seriously killer article I loved it. Dr. Oz is a hack. btw.
BEST BLOG POST E.V.E.R.!
Best blog post ever.
Preach it, sister!
love it.
This post is beyond funny!!! You are awesome!!! You forgot to mention soy products and raw dairy! I’ll be waiting for a sequel!
This post is awesome. I would say more, but I’m too busy worrying about whether or not my coconut-almond latte contains GMOs.
Am I the only one that finds this article rude, ignorant and offensive?
The way we eat is a lifestyle, not a burden. It’s certainly not a joke. I can’t have gluten because I have celiac disease, that’s a serious autoimmune condition. I don’t appreciate you making it sound like Celiac Disease is an imaginary disorder created by a health freak who just decided to go gluten-free for kicks.
You make it sound like people who avoid gluten and other foods simply are doing so because they suffer from “orthorexia nervosa”
Are you aware that conditions like celiac disease, gluten intolerance and food allergies exist and are serious conditions that make it necessary for people to avoid certain foods?
I did not find your article amusing in any way. I am quite offended and I would help you would consider others feelings before you write such rubbish.
Yes, I am aware of all those things you mention. This post is not about Celiac Disease. Thank you for attempting to get me to consider your feelings about your dietary restrictions by calling my writing rude, ignorant, offensive and rubbish. Perhaps this is not the blog for you. Better luck elsewhere.
Hell yeah :)
Apparently after 9PM my brain reverts back to that of a teenager. Let me expand on that ‘hell yeah’ –
Well said, Erica! Heather, what you seem to be missing is that this blog post was not written about people who have to eat a certain way due to valid and very real food allergies or illnesses. No one is laughing at that.
Erica was poking fun at the rest of us, like myself, who make a *choice* to eat a certain way. We fall down the proverbial rabbit hole of nutritional philosophy that is largely fear based, confusing, overwhelming and filled with the shame and guilt of what harm you could cause yourself, your loved ones and the planet if you don’t strictly adhere to it’s tenants. It’s paralyzing.
For example, my Husband and I have been discussing having children. I know (because I’ve read it on blogs..) that not only is what I eat during my pregnancy of critical importance to my developing child, but also what I eat before I even get pregnant! So I have to order some fermented cod liver oil…preferably blended with high vitamin butter oil (because of the x-factor, which I don’t know exactly what that is…but it sounds important…) and I really should be eating organ meats every day, despite the fact that they gross me out (did i really just admit that? Blasphemy!). Also, my only source for raw milk is through a co-op that has it trucked down from an Amish farmer in PA at $10/gallon plus a $5 delivery fee and it’s packaged in plastic, which is leaching god only knows what into my $15 milk….the only solution really is to get a milk cow…but i’ll have to quit my job if I’m going to be tied to twice a day milkings. If all of this isn’t bad enough, the pre-conception diet has to be practiced by both potential parents, so I have to somehow convince my Husband to follow the same dietary guidelines if we don’t want our child to come out with a deformed jaw, autism and destined for a life of illness.
Oh wait, I just remembered that I was vegetarian for 7 years and consumed a ton of soy products, which were probably GMO and have most likely destroyed my reproductive system anyway.
Screw it, I’m not having kids.
In short, Heather, Erica was making fun of us, not you. We need to lighten up. Perhaps you could consider doing the same.
There. I feel better now.
“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.”
― Maya Angelou
Enough said, well one more thing, I say, Never ,ever,lose your sense of humor!!
It just makes you grumpy and no fun to be around :o
Right on, Andrea.
Andrea, yes it’s funny and laughter is good, but as it stands, this piece is a double edged sword for social bullies to misuse. Unavoidably, it ridicules individuals and families who have hit the wall with their health, and discourages young people to be proactive. If 80% of damage is usually done before symptoms appear. attempts at prevention are reasonable. However, public health and digestion are so trashed today in so many ways, frankly, no one really knows what to do to turn it around.
Attempts at prevention are reasonable.
Jumping from fad diet to fad diet because it’s this week’s miracle, gorging on this week’s latest ‘superfood’ because last week’s superfood is now known by everybody (except those still arguing about it) to be totally unhealthy after all, upending your life based on something you read on an Internet forum where everyone is an expert in anecdata–that is the opposite of reasonable.
Nobody is mocking folks with Celiac Disease or Crohn’s or food allergies other illnesses with strict dietary requirements. Nobody is mocking folks with autism or PCOS/endometriosis or gluten issues or other health problems who find changes to their diet help them handle their illness. And nobody is suggesting that people shouldn’t do their research and eat healthier. This is a site on suburban homesteading, after all.
This post is poking fun not at real dietary concerns, but at reactionary fad dieting and “Healthy Eating Internet Education”–the way we all read on an Internet forum that broccoli is the new miracle veggie that will prevent all cancers, straighten teeth, cure ear infections, and fix your credit history, while glass jars are the latest hidden evil of modern society, letting treacherous UV rays at your food, menacing your children with their breakability and calling you at 3AM to leave naughty messages. The comedy is self-deprecating, and most of the comments are of the ‘laughing at myself for tripping over the same ottoman’ variety: folks are remembering that time they went on the all-grapefruit diet, or completely gave up brussel sprouts because they read that it deformed fetal kneecaps.
Yes, nowadays these fad diets are related to real dietary concerns, but so are regular fad diets. Poking fun at the grapefruit diet, or the Atkins diet, or the cayenne-drinking fast craze, isn’t mocking the obese, or giving fuel to mockery of the obese–it’s simply recognizing our own trend to overreact, overcorrect and take anything we hear on the news or the Internet too much at face value.
Anecdata of my own: the most effective rants against the gluten-free craze I’ve read were by folks with Celiac, who felt the fad trivialized their own health concerns. One could easily argue that it’s not posts like this that add fuel to the mockery, but folks who seize onto the fad and make a big production about how they can no longer eat brussel sprouts and it’s very insensitive of everyone else to go posting recipes for brussel sprouts or talk about brussel sprouts around them, and have you heard the word about brussel sprouts?
Andrea, I see the joke, and appreciate the sustainability blog focus here. My concern still, from my own experience, is that as it stands it is easily misused by social bullies. Many of them, particularly many out dated medical professionals, don’t believe food matters much (except with diabetes) and they eat the ones who do for lunch.
Using the gluten “fad” as an example, many folks still mock gluten free, partly because cross contamination makes that diet eye catching. I agree beginners are likely to be obsessed with the emotional transition, and maybe some do guilt others unnecessarily, but most of the time most of us are just trying to eat and keep our food away from crumbs. (Gluten-free is actually turning out NOT to be a fad. As tests get more accurate, the dx rates are climbing quickly, but we need to address the underlying reasons for it.)
I just hope some exhausted young mom does’t get this article brandished in her face by her scornful pretzel toting mother in law, and cry herself to sleep from discouragement and loneliness.
I’m not Andrea. :)
You’ve presented this archetype, the exhausted young mother who’s trying to solve her kid’s digestive woes and is shunned by her peer group for it, but frankly, you’re just as likely to run into an exhausted young mother verbally attacked and shunned by her peer group for giving her kid a pretzel. Your archetype has less to do with diet than it does with ‘mompetition’, the ridiculously extreme competition, criticism and polarization that takes over parenting groups these days. You’ll find the same backbiting, ostracizing and bullying over bottle vs breast, cloth vs disposable, raw milk vs pasteurized, fruit juice vs water, etc.
I fully accept that this exhausted mother is someone you personally know, and this was something you personally witnessed. Holding her up as your banner, though, is not working, because many of us have been that exhausted person too–the one at the table harangued and harassed about our diets. But in our cases, we were bullied by someone who had taken up vegetarianism, veganism, paleo, gluten-free, etc., and felt the need to ‘correct’ everyone around them.
You’re coming across as that person now–not as the defender of those who just want to find the right path for themselves and their family, but as the food bully determined to smack others down for not falling into line with your way of thinking/eating. You’re so determined to see this as an attack on your diet that you’re slathering on the self-righteous guilt in retalliation–us big meanies picking on that poor theoretical exhausted mother! Probably pelting her with bread, too! But I’ve been on the receiving end of similar lectures from folks who didn’t like my lunch, and the only attack here is coming from you.
Again, the post has nothing to do with your dietary restrictions. It’s a gentle jab at our human tendency to jump on bandwagons and freak ourselves out. I hope you don’t corner exhausted young pretzel-wielding mothers with the same rhetoric you’re using here, because it’s hard enough to be a mom without the food police waving their Internet credentials and lecturing you until you cry yourself to sleep from discouragement and loneliness. And hunger.
Yup, you pretty much are the only person here who doesn’t have a sense of humor. This article was HILARIOUS in a self-deprecating fashion and perhaps the lack of gluten in your diet has stifled your sense of humor? You should probably start taking a supplement to get that back. :)
I can see why you might find this offensive, but at a fellow allergic person (to the norm, ie pollen, wheat, iodine/shellfish, chamomile) if your going to survive in the average world you have to find humor in the situation. Yes if you consume said allergan you might turn into a preventable version of the elephant man, or worse (depending on the level of allergy) but you can’t ignore that too many people deny themselves food based on the fear of what might happen in the long term. Life is made to be enjoyed, that is the point
I too have Celiac disease and found this extremely funny! I never, ever eat gluten and life has become quite a bitch at times due to the lack of food available that is palatable to me. I don’t have time to cook all my own food so I just don’t eat much and drink smoothies instead. Even as a Celiac I could relate to this post as I read labels and try to make a decision whether or not to eat a tasty looking prepared meal that was incidentally prepared in an environment where wheat is present. It’s a toss up. I found this post in no way at all to make fun of those of us that must limit our food intake due to allergies/intolerances.
“Am I the only one that finds this article rude, ignorant and offensive?”
Ah, yes, you are!
No you are not the only one. It is well done and she has a point that can be taken as humorous. Sadly in real life it is not really funny, it is a little sneering. Is it presented in a balanced or kind way? This type of banter in the hands of young people who still assume they are healthy can be socially devastating to others who are suffering, desperately looking for answers, yet disdained by their peers as faddish.
PMSL! Every word resonated with me. I would write more but I’ve got a tray of organic, home grown kale chips in the oven and I don’t want them to burn!
Bwahahaha. Loved this! Am linking to this today (and sending a copy to my husband…he has been rolling his eyes over my healthy eating ever since I got started) :)
Thank you. This made my day!
That was the best thing I’ve read all month. My abs hurt.
Definitely true. Everyone has to find a diet that works for them, taking both “scientific” and “anecdotal” evidence with a grain of salt. Go with what gets you great results.
I love this article! This is so me!
I didn’t read through all of the comments, but there was no mention in the article about now having to avoid bottled water and only drinking spring water that you go and collect yourself and has a ph of between 7-8. :) With everything else we have to self prepare no problem adding yet another to the list.
Thanks for writing the article. We do have a lot in common.
Best. Post. Ever.
lol!!!
this was hysterical! thank you for making me laugh!
That was awesome! Thank you for the humorous spin on healthy eating.
Amazing… this is my life story plus I don’t like kale..and it left me with nothing to eat..
LOLOLOL! I loved reading this and it’s comically spot on for me.
This is great! I have often felt this way. I think I am doing the right thing with my diet and then I read one more article!!! Thanks for making me laugh!
How delightful! Perfect ending too.
Hehe. I can’t think how many times I’ve read conflicting nutrition information and just laughed. What’s the point!
Thank you, that was wonderful. As an over thinker and over researcher I very much appreciate the commentary on ‘the plight’ of the educated eater.
HILARIOUS! XD
Gotta be able to laugh at ourselves, eh? Loved it! Great post.
Add nutritional yeast for cheese, wth?, Sea vegetables that I can’t pronounce but Ariel can – that skinny bitch- no wonder she’s skinny she eats sea vegetables, and spirulina (what’s with the ocean? Maybe we are supposed to live in the ocean. Come to think of it I think I saw a blogpost about that. Know a good realtor?) to your soy and raw milk list for part 2 :D
OMG and kombucha! I never even had the store bought stuff let alone HEARD of it before but my healthy friends started talking about it on FB so I took a slimy mass of grossness from a friend and started brewing it myself. Uh yea, this post sums things up perfectly!
I’d stay away from kombucha. It is easily contaminated with poisonous mold and mildew.
read this article:
http://fungi.com/blog/items/kombucha-my-adventures-with-the-blob.html
Soooo funny!! You put what goes on in my head into words lol!
Why is figuring out what we can eat and serve our family so hard!? This should not be right!? lol
Your article is awesome! So funny. My husband and I have been somewhat obsessed about different types of diets for the past year or so. Nothing is healthy if you are super paranoid. Someone had to write about it and I’m glad you were one of them. Lol. Thanks for the post :)
Here’s hoping you’re the next Denise Minger. This is absolutely the most brilliant thing I’ve read in, well…ever.
You totally nailed this one!…thanks…
No wonder i always feel so much guilt while eating an In-N-Out burger; these must be the thoughts that race through my subconscious with every animalized bite.
Another approach to health:
https://burbdwelling.wordpress.com/2012/04/02/preface-fitness-month/
Such a great post. I work with individuals struggling with food problems and this post is great for grounding us all in reality and humor. Thank you. I look forward to sharing this with my clients and colleagues.
You had me at Monsanto patty. My DH and I just watched that doc along with the frankensteer and the Food Inc one the other day. And he thinks I’m nuts cause I just informed him that all our plastic containers are giving us cancer…. So that’s why I got new glass stuff! Lol I make our own bread now too! And I have considered sneaking some chickens and a goat into our HOA suburban backyard! You do know me! I’m showing this to everyone I know!
Wonderful piece of writing, thank you – LMAO!
Hilarious!!
here is to all my friends that always refer to me “eating so healthy”…. I often don’t eat anything but chocolate all day and then tell my kids they have to first eat something HEALTHY before they can have a biscuit. What is that … I guess we all have to decide for ourselves and we are responsible to guide our children with what we know. Find your own truth about what you put into your body.
I’ve totally done that.
Thank you for teaching me with laughter!! The best way to learn and remember what I learned!!
Keep it up!
Hilarious post! I got sick earlier this year (cancer scare, IBS, abdominal/intestinal pain, joint pain, anxiety/depression, insomnia, breast lumps, etc) and basically have gone through ALL of these stages in my eating and in assessing which diet I wanted to go with to heal my body….so it’s nice to laugh about it now. ;-) Definitely was not funny at the time! It made me realize my health has been affected by food toxins so I’ve done sooo much research and have landed on what’s best for me, but worth sharing with others in case it can help someone else on here: http://www.healingnaturallybybee.com/
this is hysterical! and it mirrors exactly what I’ve been going through! the thing about the seal liver was too much–I was laughing out loud…I stare into my refrigerater eliminating foods to eat for breakfast–too much sugar-tick. not enough protein- tick. should eat more greens with my egg but I don’t have any that go with egg-tick…and then I pull out the nuts I got at TJ’s–are they really what they say they are?
Thanks for this post!
This post made me laugh and cry! I have the hardest time sharing my findings with the people I love, they, of course, think I am nuts. I have learned that the journey to healthy eating is so personal, everyone is an expert, I have given up trying to convince others of my logic (except my kids). So, I now turn to those crazy people who are like me and talk to them instead, makes it a little easier, but I so badly want to convince those I love, parents, husband, bothers, that I am not crazy, or at least that I am not alone!
Lisa, you said that beautifully. healthy eating IS personal. it took so long to find what is right for me and I still keep modifying. Thankfully my husband is on board (most of the time) but I suspect some of my family and friends think I’ve lost my mind when I tell them some of the things I eat (and DON’T eat!). But we’re all in good company here!
Great post!
Hilarious!!! Its’s exactly like that… I felt so identified with your post. THANKS and GOOD LUCK!!!
This is awesome!
You clearly have a gift for writing and I like much of what I see on your site. That said, this piece actually makes me a little bit angry. I agree that eating well these days can be tricky to navigate and the wealth of information out there can be more confusing than helpful. As a Nutritionist, I work with people on a daily basis to make the best choices both for their bodies and in consideration of the bigger picture of our environment. Many of the things you somewhat mock in this article have actually been of great benefit to my clients and you fail to discuss how to use them in a balanced way. In my ten years of practice I have literally seen people completely change their lives and sense of well-being simply by shifting what they ate — and in some cases this means the inclusion of cultured vegetables.
At the end of the day we still don’t know the long term effects of GMO crops and pesticides. We are a sick and medicated society who needs to make changes in how we view our food system, as well as our bodies. You make some great points about the extreme lengths some people go to in order to achieve this, but you’re missing out on the many who select a balanced and thoughtful way of life.
Thanks for your thoughtful critique. I agree with you on fermented veggies, GMOs, and all that. I’m able to write this piece because I have swirled around in all these things. The reason this article doesn’t talk about living a balanced and thoughtful life with regards to food is because balanced and thoughtful isn’t very funny, and this is a humor piece. If this piece weren’t funny, you – and all these people who have commented about feeling trapped in the rabbit hole of conflicting advice about healthy eating – wouldn’t have read it. :) I spend a lot of time on my blog talking about avoiding chemicals, lacto-fermentation, growing your own food, cooking from scratch, etc. But this post was just for fun, just for all of us out there who feel like we will never get it right because “healthy” is a moving target and everyone has their pet “perfect diet”. So when your patients come to you, wide-eyed and food-fearful and start shaking your shoulders saying, “JUST TELL ME WHAT I CAN EAT ALREADY!” you can think back on this article and chuckle because you’ll have a good idea of what they’ve been going through trying to figure it out on their own. :)
Erica,
Loved your bit! Love the comments! Laughed and laughed. I appreciate all the terrible medical things people have gone through, everything they have tried, celebrating what works and not giving up trying to find solutions/diagnoses.
For a variety of reasons, I went 90% vegan three years ago. ( The 10% missing is usually when I visit my great kids–none of us will be convincing each other ) I wanted to share w/folks a mantra which is VERY helpful for me in keeping my vegan life pleasant and rewarding:
“This is a choice, not a sentence.”
Here’s to everybody living their best life (and I thank God there’s no cholesterol in wine)!
I love your mantra.
JJ76, my thoughts run in the same vein as yours, but with a great deal of concern: homo sapiens is on the brink of mass extinction, and poor nutrition ia one of the causative factors. We are emulating the history of Rome, and we, too, will fall if we don’t take remedial action. Also, Monsanto and the other big chemical aggregates spend billions of dollars on propaganda that does exactly what this article does; belittle, poke fun at, denigrate, but does not give the “how to” for people to improve their nutrition. Funny? Well written? Yes, by all means, but on the other hand, Nero fiddled and laughed while Rome burned. Humor can be deadly.
Poor nutrition is of huge concern to the millions who live on low calorie diets in 3rd world countries. Folks in India regularly live on 500 calories a day or less and with serious vitamin deficiencies, especially A and B. In 2005, 190 million children and 19 million pregnant women, in 122 countries, were affected by VAD. Golden Rice (read up on it — it produces significant amounts of beta carotene in the endosperm) would be a big help in improving their lives, but it’s a GMO, so that’s verboten — serious people like you wouldn’t allow it. That’s what’s not funny. And it’s not scientific.
I agree that the point may be to bring a laugh and relax a little, but those of us who see up close the tragedy of autism, autoimmunity and mental illness might not see the joke. We just buried a friend, a younger father, who committed suicide after years of depression, pain and suffering. He had many symptoms of serious food intolerances. Very likely these very attitudes in others influenced his reluctance to treat them. Laughing at other’s calamity is not necessarily a safe path for oneself.
Funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thank you.
And you know that Kale is really high in sodium, right? So there goes your blood pressure. And you also know that rabbit is almost entirely devoid of any nutritional value? People have literally starved to death eating rabbit in the wild.
Oh my Gosh!! I love this post! I, too, was making myself crazy with all this stuff! When I had read a while back about the oxalic acid thing with kale, I was like….come onnnnnnn…..really? *hands thrown up in the air*
I make my own water and dairy kefir (from raw milk, of course), my own seed and legume sprouts, beet kvass and raw sauerkraut, soak my nuts (gave up almonds because of the jet-fuel-derived sprays), occasionally eat grass fed meat and pastured eggs (from local farm co-op), I’m veggie juicing……
……..Yes, I’m giving myself permission to not be perfect all the time! All of this diet choice bashing is making me crazy too. Paleo vs. Weston Price, vegan vs. vegetarian…..blah, blah, blah!
Thanks for the comic relief!
The butter that you fried your kale in … was that from your own kale fed cow? O_o
Bahahahaha. You are AMAZING. That’s hilarious, and nearly the story of my life, lol. Well done.
Soy is awesome for my cramps. One glass of chocolate soy milk is as good as a full dose of ibuprofen for me.
This was a hilarious post, and I think also an important one. It highlights how expensive “healthy” eating is. That is how it always has been and likely always will be. The poor are less healthy than the rich — it must be what they eat! It can’t possibly be because they don’t get enough to eat, or enough variety in what they eat, or because of stress or poor healthcare. And health just has to be something we can control, right? If it applies to tobacco it must apply to food too! Even though human beings are omnivores with amazing digestions and the ability to draw nutrients from just about anything living, and who have historically eaten whatever they could get. You want a real paleo diet, you should be eating lots of insects.
And it won’t be ordinary insects. It will be organic free range heirloom insects which are very different from the sort of insects you could just find for your self. They’ll probably need to be recreated from the DNA of insects preserved in amber, but this won’t count as GMO.
I find it truly amazing that your sarcastic tone and hyperbolic statements continue throughout the ENTIRE article!!! You are a GREAT writer!
I strive to emulate your work!
Oh god, I was literally laughing out loud at this. Brilliant post!
This is an amazing post! Truly hilarious but sadly too true.
This is just hilarious. I’ve been going to see an MD who specializes in acupuncture and Chinese medicine for the last year or so to help with some digestive problems I was having. While the acupuncture has helped me immensely, she’s been after me to go paleo and start eating meat again – after 22 years as a vegetarian! (I do eat dairy and eggs, and we are lucky enough that we have our own chickens who give us dozens of their lovely eggs every morning!)
Unless you have severe food allergies (and I don’t), I just don’t get the whole gluten-legume-grain-dairy free thing. Seriously? I just happen to think that a healthy diet is MORE inclusive, not less. Even though I’m veg, I’ve been known to have a helping of freshly-caught pike during ice fishing season…
If you want a good explanation for why it can be beneficial to cut out starchy grains and veggies for a while to heal your intestinal issues, read the book Gut and Psychology Syndrome, by NAtasha Campbell-McBride. She does a very thorough job explaining the whole rationale.
This was such a great read!! Thank you!!!
Great article, but what’s wrong with Mark Knopfler music? The guy’s a musical genius. ;-)
Mark Knopfler rocks! :)
I am actually crying right now I’m laughing so hard. This is brilliant. Way to rep the 206. Or the 425. Or the 253. Whichever part of Seattle/Greater Seattle you happen to be repping.
Best. EVER. You took the words right out of my mouth, along with the (snorted) last mouthful of organic quinoa in kefir I was having for a snack. I need a Mars Bar after all that laughing.
Keep rocking!
Hahahaha Brilliant!
This sums it all up… I’m just glad that I’m immune to it all.
DEATH to corn! LOL! I will NEVER touch that stuff. I guess it’s a GREAT thing that I have had an aversion to corn ever since I was little, never thought it tasted good AT ALL.
This is a GREAT post though. I love when I catch “healthy eaters” not actually being healthy! The look on their face when I set them straight – priceless.
Are you a kind person? Do you understand pain?
This was honestly the most hilarious, fabulous post I’ve read all year. You are clearly an awesome person with great taste – translation for ‘we have the same blog theme’.
Seriously, I adored this. Thanks for the laughs and look forward to checking out the rest of your blog now, Alexx :-)
Super hilarious and great read; thanks Erica for blogging so compelling on this and other food subjects.
Ha! Love it! :) Food can definitely become an expression of unresolved fear and other issues, especially power and control issues. But mostly, I’m laughing my head off and am quite entertained!
AMAZING post — can’t wait to share. :)
This is hysterical and AWESOME. We really have been there.
I was laughing out loud reading this! Thank you so very much for adding humor to my day. Sad, but true, it is often very difficult to navigate our way through whatever is “healthy eating”. I often comment on how difficult it is to eat healthy, and this hit so many of the dilemmas associated with our choices!
Did you mention foods high in oxalates like celery, carrots, and chocolate? Those of us who can’t break down oxalates can’t eat those!
This was GREAT. Love your blog, writing style and content. I was a chef for 15 years, now I’m a small farmy homesteader…I went Primal last year, I’ve been down this entire road, I raise chickens instead of rabbits…it was a bloody first slaughter last year…:-( and I even had the kidney stones from eating too many beet greens and damn swiss chard! I can so relate. ACccccckkkk! But sometimes I just drink too much wine and melt un fermented cheese over flat bread (of course it’s with Einkorn flour!) and think I’m keeping myself sane. But wonder if I should just hit the drive thru to keep my levels of toxic topped up. Great essay.
GREAT post! Nutrition is not that easy…. I find that I learn more things as I go. it’s been 3 years now and I am still learning!
This is one the best written pieces of satire I’ve read in years. My daughter and her husband encouraged me to try the FOK way of eating and I’ve been plant strong since Feb. 1. I’m 73 and have had RA for over 40 years so I’ve tried a bunch of stuff. Reading the comments makes me smile wryly, and I’m sure you can see that being diagnosed with any disease can also bring out hundreds of recommendations for cures so that you’re just as bewildered as people that want to eat healthy and safely. My daughter and I often chuckle over the contradictory suggestions we see on food sites.
Since I became plant strong I’ve lost 25 lbs. and feel much better. I will not claim a cure or even a discovery, except for a new recipe or two, I love the experimentation and cooking for myself–keep it simple and it doesn’t have to cost and arm and a leg or take hours of preparation. Thank you for your wisdom and terrific sense of humor.
Thanks, Sharon.
I’m about the same age, also lost a lot of weight with those wonderful plants, feel generally great, and love to experiment w/ food.
And Love This Blog and all the personalities. Thanks, Erica; I’ll be sharing this as soon as I can stop laughing and reading!
Very, very funny – will pass this along to our community garden group. A nice piece to keep in mind when the next food fad preacher comes to town. One correction that is needed – kale is actually LOW in oxalic acid. As a kidney stone sufferer, I’ve found several sources of data on the oxalic content of different kinds of vegetables. (e.g. http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/Data/Other/oxalic.html) While some greens are very high (spinach, chard) kale seems to be very low.
Excellent Erica. Laughed so much. But sadly – you do realise that the from the outside looking over at the US all most people here can detect is consumerism, gullible fads gripping the nation and very little of the practical real life and common sense you write about every day. And every day young Australia is slipping closer and closer to the plastic supermarket falseness.
Keep it up Erica – America needs you! We all need your reminder that food and health need to be simple again . Thankyou great post.
This was sooooo great – Laughter is our best medicine! Thanks again….
So I’m looking for some lacto-fremented tears of a virgin. My health food store sales person told me they are on the shelf next to the hens teeth, but I can’t find them….I really enjoyed the article, and plan to cut back on eating kale as soon as I finish the 53 pounds I already have.
Hmmmmm……I’ll probably die of cancer no matter how healthly I eat – genetics you know. But, I feel way better eating just a bit of wild salmon, vegies & grains. Lost a bunch of weight too. No heart attacks for me. Yet moderation in all things like my Momma said is probably the best bet with an occasional indulgence of wine, chocolate, butter and so on. As a daughter of a chef and having worked in catering it’s obvious there is no boring food just boring cooks. This whole foodie movement is some sort of trendy joke. BTW rabbits are pets not food or hey why not serve up your cat or dog on the barbeque?
This is an absolutely hilarious post! This is my introduction to this site. Great leadership in healthy eating! Growing your own food really is the best solution. Next best thing would be learning to be more conscious of your food choices and caring about the impact your choices make on the earth and yourself. Much easier to make better choices when you eat more whole foods, in my opinion as a fitness and nutrition professional:
http://www.vivianlaw.ca/whats-healthy-to-eat/
Great post and hilarious ! With so much information floating around, it find very hard to make food choices these days :)
This is one of the funniest takes on orthorexia I have ever read. Keep up the great work.
LMAO!! Erica, you have managed to make me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. My husband even laughed. Even funnier, I just posted about food additives today…Anal gland secretions of a beaver! Gross!
Hilarious! 1 more thing. Even growing your food in your yard isn’t safe. Have you tested your soil for those pesky pesticides? Some places were farms way back.
TOO FUNNY! Thanks for sharing. People do go well off the deep end.Trying to keep up with the latest information. I was just reading a post about a young woman who was doing just this! she was driving herself crazy trying to keep up with it all. This was real life for her. Until she ended up in the hostpital because the stress of it all. I prefer to listen to my own innnervoice instead of the overcommercialized voices that we hear all around us. Buy this, do this, be like this, and it goes on and on……. LISTEN TO YOUR OWN INNERVOICE! YOU KNOW INSIDE WHAT IT IS YOU NEED TO DO!
Excellent post! Funny, slightly depressing, and true at the same time.
Ah… the apparent futility of it all!
I’m new to your blog. I love your content, and writing style. Looking forward to reading more!
If I may add my 2 cents… a lot of people who are on a journey to be truly healthy have gone through a period of fear because they think everything they eat is going to kill them. I know I have! Hopefully we can all get to a place of starting wherever we can, but then seek to improve with each passing week, or month, or year. And to be at peace. You will be at peace when you find balance, knowing that you are doing your part in making the world a little better, but also knowing that there is no perfect solution. Those with more education, resources, and time (lol) may end up living more sustainably, while those who just can’t do it all, shouldn’t be expected to. In any case, imagine if everyone did just a little bit!
Anyway, LOVED this piece. So well written!
This is just brilliant and hilarious!
Thank you for expressing my feelings with such eloquence. I am only 23, and I am still impervious to the effects of gluten, and drinking beer when I’m hungry because there is no food in my mini fridge. Despite the ~10 cigarettes a day, I can run, climb and mountain bike farther and faster than most of my peers – in the rare case of wanting to. Additionally I have not worked-out since I was seventeen, but somehow maintain muscle and tone that I built when I was that old. I also happened to be a student at the Culinary Institute of America, and stress has been proven to cause obesity and a myriad of other ailments.
Regardless of my suicidal lifestyle, I have fun. I enjoy picking cherry tomatoes and eating the dirt-covered suckers right there in the garden, I eat hot chilies raw right from the plant, I can’t stand ketchup or pancakes, or waffles; I do whatever makes me feel good.
My greatest aspiration is to die with a belly full of happy beer bubbles. I hope this happens before I get too old and rickety to pick those cherry tomatoes.
P.S. I hate conventional tomatoes because they taste like fucking Styrofoam and make me go into a rage.
Except for the smokes you sound like our kinda people. One piece of advice, my fellow soon-to-be-culinary-school survivor: try homebrewing. Vine ripened heirloom cherry tomatoes are to conventional as homebrew is to almost all commercial beer. Plus you can save a bunch of money. So you’ll die with suds in your belly AND a twenty in your pocket. And it’s fun.
I love you. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Gonna share it.
The Terrible Tragedy of the Healthy Eater – great blog post! Thought it hilarious and had to share on my Facebook page, thanks
I genuinely LOL’d… this is me every day, battling with the dire consequence of my foodie existance :P Not only that, it summarises the thought patterns of all my health concious friends – moral of the story; we’re all gonna die from something!
Im sharing this like crazy!
ah so true and so funny… finally a light hearted look at the trials of becoming a mung bean…. not tha its a bad thing I just think you hit the nail on the head with your article…. you gotta laugh at yourself sometimes right??? Its good for you!!! ;)
So…. there I am on my bathroom floor, peacefully retaining my morning detoxifying coffee enema brewed with organic Gerson-approved coffee, prior to making my pastured-duck-egg-and-raw-goat-cheddar-cheese omelette cooked in home-made ghee… checking my email from the Weston A Price Foundation yahoo group I belong to… and there’s a link to this blog post. With curiosity and always ready to learn more on the internet, I click through and begin to read…
… and that is when I discover that laughing out loud repeatedly is incompatible with retaining a coffee enema.
hahahahahahahahahha!
hahahahahahahahahha!
hahahahahahahahahha!
Been there-done that :)
sharing…….
many thanks for lightening my day
You need your own blog. Seriously. I’d read it.
That was an awesome post! A great thing to read while devouring a plate of brownies. Of course they were gluten-free brownies. Sigh. I’m always amazed by people who tell me wheat is evil and wasn’t even a food before 2,000 years ago. And they tell me that with a straight face while drinking an energy drink. Because of course those were food 2,000 years ago. The only time wheat sucks is if you can’t digest it and it gives you bad stomach problems. So for all those people who can eat wheat (or could if they weren’t psyching themselves out) my god – go eat that po-boy for me!
Hilarious article. It’s why ‘hoodsteading came to be!
Even Ramen is nutritious as long as you cook it in 3 day bone broth! I figure it counteracts whatever gmo wheat paste and MSG they taint it with. ;-)
Healthy food comes from a healthy knowledge base, not wealthy income waste!
Julie, google “what happens to ramen in your stomach” and watch the video. You may not feel the same way after that.
Throw young family members you need to feed and here the mess begins!
Have you ever tried to feed them sprouts for lunch?
How about when they sit at school next to their friends with Lunchables?
Or just sandwich? Mommy, it is just a sandwich?
It is an illusion we gain control over the future with healthy eating. There chances for healthy life are going up, but there is no guarantees.
SPOT ON.
and
Thank you for saying it. I have a friend who is so paralyzed by everything she puts into her mouth or on her body, her life is pretty sad, and very frustrating for her.
She needs to lighten up, but if I say anything, she won’t want to hear it. I think she likes telling everyone she meets that she is allergic to this, or sensitive to that… which isn’t exactly true as I’ve seen her eat all of these things. My heart goes out to people who truly ARE allergic.
Enjoyed your post!
That is utterly awesome.
Love this post! I was cracking up over the kale thing, because I just finished a week-long determined effort to find a way to eat kale that wasn’t gross. Still don’t see what the OMG KALE love is all about. I see a lot of this hyper focus on what we eat in my green circles, and frankly, I find it a bit ridiculous. My present philosophy toward food is to eat more vegetables and worry less about the details.
Darn that Mark Knoffler!
Hilarious! I shared with some fellow GAPSters. Such a true story of how so many of us go down this rabbit hole!
OMG!! I laughed so hard because the sad reality of it all was you could of been writing a biography of me.
Our school gala is coming up and we had an auction committee meeting yesterday where a nice Egg grill had been donated. Someone brought up the fact that I had wanted a cow to sell at last years auction (for the beef) but never was able to acquire one. A lady piped up and said she had lots of rancher contacts and would get one donated this year. The chair looked over at me said “I know who will bid on it” and I actually said “sure, if it’s grass-fed”. They all looked at me as though I had lost my marbles.
Oh well, off to help my husband on our chicken coop expansion. :)
Now it’s time to pick myself up off the floor, wipe the tears out of my eyes and stop howling before my coworkers wonder what I’m laughing at. THANK YOU THIS IS HYSTERICAL! I’m so sharing this on Facebook!!!
I LOVE this post! There are so many different perspectives on food and what’s good and bad one can really get into a mental twist. It’s just food in most cases (except for when our bodies can’t recognize it as food) and food. I could go on, but just wanted to say thumbs up!!!!
So I had to come back and read this again. :D And laugh some more!
My mom went through this cycle when I was a kid, so I know how it works. All I can do is nod my head as my mama friends begin their cycle. :D
PMSL!
laughing… in horror, so well written, what a mental journey, a familiar one at that.
Great post! I’m laughing along with everyone else. I just wanna say that I am so thankful to have the privilege to even consider this stuff. I’m living at poverty level, but choose to spend my precious few $ on “good” food. I grow as much of my own as I can (only so many hours in a day, though)…. Heard a story about a guy who grew lots of his own food for many years; got real sick; turned out his farm was atop an old toxic dump & he’d been poisoning himself with all that homegrown organic goodness. Sigh.
Poisoned by his organic garden? Oh hell. That’s ironic in a terrible way.
You’re hilarious. That made my morning.
under the influence of this article i decided to give activa yogurt a try and ooh my god, i have never had such side effects from any medication or food that i have eaten in my conscious life.
i drank the yogurt between 12 and 1am, by 2am i felt quite nauseas. but since i was already in bed i stayed there sleeping very badly and feeling queasy all night. even dreaming about the nauseas feeling. in the morning i was still feeling nauseas as well as dizzy and weak. i couldn’t even drink water. now it’s 3:30pm and ‘ve already showered, drank some water, and slept but i still feel nauseas. i have no fever but i feel too dizzy to go outside.
apparently these are not uncommon reactions to activa (google: activa yogurt side effect nausea)
as a side note, i’m not lactose intolerant or have any stomach problems except gluten sensitivity.
i’m really hating activa for poisoning me!
For the record, nothing in this post should be construed as an endorsement of Activa or any other yogurt. I’ve actually never had the stuff, it just had the right “popular-healthy but maybe not actually healthy-healthy” vibe for this article. I’m so sorry Activa poisoned you. :( I hope you are feeling better now.
I came across something not long ago about Activia.
http://meghantelpner.com/blog/is-thereactivia-yogurt-rat-poop/
I’ve looked up that particular bacterium in Wiki and it’s verified.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bifidobacterium_animalis
Sorry to make you feel worse :( Just trying to inform.
hilarious. Best part of the whole post? This little nugget right here :
“…strained lacto-fermented tears of a virgin.”
Wow – just wow :) I’ve had very similar thoughts bouncing around in my head for 6-9 months but could never express it even remotely as well as you’ve done. Awesome post!
What?! Now I can’t even eat Kale? OMG, what am I going to do?
And where do I get me some of those lacto-fermented virgin tears, I need some!
Haha, excellent post Erica, I should read it often :)
Well, crud. I really just cannot ignore Mark Knopfler. Not right now, anyway.
Just a quick note to say that I’m putting you in my syllabus to demonstrate a slippery slope. Thank you!
I just found you through BlogHer and OMG – thank you! I raise chickens and have an organic garden but I am ALL for moderation. Some days I just go to the market and buy bananas (GASP!!!) . If I’m honest, some days my husband wants McDonalds (hangs head in shame).
All of my co-workers have gone paleo and if one more perfectly healthy person tells me about a gluten sensitivity they’ve just found out about, I might scream. Part of the problem is we’ve all become so scared of food and so eating disordered we have no idea what to eat anymore.
Love your blog!
Hello there, You’ve done a great job. I’ll certainly digg it and
personally recommend to my friends. I’m confident they will be benefited from this web site.
This is soooo funny, I hope you write one on milk sometime!
Well, I’m not really hungry anymore. But when I am, I’m going straight for a Big Mac. And maybe a six piece nugget, too.
Well, crud. I really just cannot ignore Mark Knopfler. Not right now, anyway.
Are you kidding me? Get out of my head! LOL! HILARIOUS! :-)
Great writing, honest confusion that I too have been fighting with! Thanks for sharing. :)
Oh God…hilarious. LOVE it.
YES! This is what I’m talking about and why I have a blog devoted to being “I’mperfect”! I love your delivery- spot-on humor. I have driven myself crazy for years trying to find the “right” diet– stressing about organic foods, GMOs, good fats, bad fats, too little fiber, too much fiber, cooked foods, raw foods etc., etc., and none of that stressing made me any healthier! You can seriously go nuts trying to follow all the “rules”! Thanks for this post! I am now going to share it with my own readers! Totally awesome.
Hilarious and true of most people who have become enlightened to our state of food. It’s all about big business now…
Hilarious! Such great writing Erica! This one’s going viral, I’m sure!
“The Terrible Tragedy of the Healthy Eater | Northwest Edible Life” ended up being
a good post and therefore I actually was in fact very happy to come across it.
Thanks for your time,Warren
This is so hilarious. I see we’ve met!
You forgot about the fact that I can’t really use the himalyan sea salt because it means that our dollars go to Pakistan and in today’s political climate who could possibly be okay with that? Ugh. So instead I’ll find myself on a pilgrimage to collect salt from the anciet ocean that was once covering Utah. Now we’ll just have to lick the ground to make sure it’s not processed with metals.
Thanks so much for the great chuckle!
This is hilarious!…and oh so true. Thank you for the laugh. I needed that.
This is pretty much what goes through my head when people invite me over for food. I can’t stomach anything that even touches canola…. Including liquid, so yeah I’m looking into breeding my bunnies because at least I know they aren’t getting force fed GMO corn sprayed in canola oil….. I mean ROUNDUP.
It’s funny how my life is a joke to some people :’(
Wonderful post. I frequently say that the stress will kill me (obsessing on food) long before any food does. It was a very important post for me to read for the sharing about lyme disease. Thank you, Martha
I stood up and gave you a standing ovation after reading this, but it had to be a short burst of applause, as I am off to soak my grains in virgin tears right after I type this comment…..
First off LMAO!
Secondly, this is exactly the type of article I’ve been conjuring up in my head for weeks! You just put it so perfectly though. Loved it.
Thirdly, have you submitted this to the NY Times yet?
I’m interested in the 2013 Garden planner and journal. Is it something that comes in the mail or is it an ebook? thanks. great blog by the way.
LOVED this article. Abe channeled by Ester Hicks is always telling us we have made food our “enemy”. I happen to believe Source Energy/Creator/Divinity/God whatever label you desire to use, is experiencing itself as “everything”. We look OUTSIDE ourselves for all our answers so we can play the role of VICTIMS instead Owning our own Power as an aspect of that Divine Energy living through us. Perhaps NONE of that shit is true and anything and everything is safe to eat if you only BELIEVE it to be true! I know many vibrant healthy people who rarely are sick, have slender bodies and who eat lots and lots of that “junk food” filled with wheat, sugar, and all that other supposed toxic stuff! Abe (and several others teachers) have told us if we just truly LOVE OUR BODY FULLY for the miracle it is (seeing, feeling, digesting food, beating our heart, hearing…without us consciously having to do anything to make all those miracles happen) and FULLY LOVE what we are eating( eating things we LOVE the taste of and feelings and sensations we get) then it matters NOT what we eat. If we eat fear foods are good, bad, toxic, dangerous and the like, we put our bodies into “resistance” and make it difficult for it to function as it is meant to function and digest and nourish us. Someday we may be able to EAT WHAT WE NATURALLY DESIRE and be FULLY NOURISHED by all those different foods!! Thanks for the FUN article…expressed my feelings BRILLIANTLY!!
yeah, that’s funny until you witness a few wheat bread crumbs turn your son into a sick, crying mess. or store-bought dairy give him a crusty oozy rash all over his face. don’t insult something that you don’t have to deal with.
I for real LOLed when I read the top! SO happy I just found you!
CHEERS (of grass shot, duh!) TO HEALTH!
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it made me laugh. it made me cry. it made me wonder how did you get into my head!! ;-) Seriouosly, thanks for the hilarious reality check and God bless!
This article is designed to confuse; when you’re confused you’re more prone to buy things. It’s just feeding the machine. Healthy eating is simple and easy.
What an odd and negative response to a blog entry that so cleverly pokes fun at all the confusion out there. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that a truly healthy diet provides us with the amino acids that our neurotransmitters use for seratonin support. Seratonin helps us to be happy and supportive. This entry is about finding ways to laugh at the confusion certainly not perpetuate it. Well done!
Yes thankyou Gwen… someone had to say it!
You can’t be too sensitive about these kinds of things… The writer is just expressing herself and describing the world as she see’s it. And it’s so true! That’s why so many people can relate.
It’s a very smartly written and humorous article. It’s not designed to confuse at all. It’s just an expressive reflection of the way things are.
I have to laugh at this because there are some people who move from one fad to the next without actually knowing why they are being told to eat this or that and to avoid certain foods. It is definitely not a bad thing to educate yourself on what you are putting into your body though, and to know what your body actually needs, and what may negatively affect organ function and your digestive system. People can get carried away, when in fact, eating healthy is a whole lot of common sense! Thanks for sharing! Made me laugh! :)
Hahahah this is seriously the funniest thing I’ve read in so long.
I had no idea anyone in the world had gone through the exact process of eliminating every single allegedly ‘healthy’ thing from their diet due to the inaccuracy of that reputation.
I’m from Australia, so wild Kangaroo meat seems to be the only acceptable thing going. Plus eggs from my friend’s country farm. And of course organic Kale, although I now realise I shouldn’t go assuming that is all as it seems either…
As a result I end up substituting the obviously heart foundation approved options of Whiskey Sour cocktails and chocolate for a large part of my diet. sigh.
Thanks for your day brightening article.. I’ll be staying tuned. :)
This is quite a rant and not a bit informative. Quit your bitching and write something with substance. It is ridiculous to state that raw organic veggies would need to be fermented to be healthy and that its impossible to find local grass fed cows. Why would we have to buy seal liver to be healthy? Why not the organic grass fed livestock? Why not wild caught fish? What’s wrong with shopping at a local farmers market rather than buying per washed, precut broccoli? Your complaints are baseless and have easy solutions. It’s unfortunate you invest your time in complaining about your food choices. I bet if you focused your effort toward solutions you would find them!
The responses people leave who clearly don’t read are just as humorous as the article itself.
Indeed.
Dear Ashley,
Perhaps you have never encountered satire before. Please, never read “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift. I’d hate to see your painfully literal reaction to his “nutritional rant.”
Sincerely,
The Author
I like you, Erica. Thanks for the read.
If you are interested in some examples of effort focused toward solutions, you may wish to read some of the other articles on this very blog.
Well said.
Why would anyone take the time to leave such a negative and rude comment? If you don’t get the humor or the light sarcasm with this, great. Move on. I hope the clever author of this funny article deletes your uneccesary feedback. I’m sorry that your nasty response was copied to all of us- your words were sent to my phone while I was minding my own business, working hard, lifting others up and trying to be a positive force in the world. Don’t let the door hit you.
Converting turf to fruit and nut tree’s are all HINTS in the right direction but we can’t really joke about cancer and diabetes and all the other terrible other health side effects of GMO, and hormone imbalanced frankenfood and the lack of scientific information regarding side effects. I have several friends that are chefs and they all say the same about how all the food available to us is really unhealthy which I completely agree with, but when i try to go into detail about the tragedy of the modern landscape and discuss realistic solutions, and how wasteful it is to have a pretty landscape instead of a functional food forest landscape there eye’s glaze over and I end up hearing about roasted rabbit for the next half hour. While I do appreciate the good writing and decoded internet super diet trends I would really love to see some dialog on realistic solutions being proliferated. Consider the tragedy of the modern landscape, before oil, eveything was local.
Hi Mike, thanks for reading – I’m going to assume you are new to this site. I’d like to encourage you to look around at the other posts here. This site is basically all about backyard sustainable food production – how to garden, preserve, and do the “farm in the city” type thing. You may find quite a lot here that appeals to you.
I go through all of this internally on a daily basis. Beautifully said!
Oh my, this was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for writing it!
A-FREAKING-MEN! This should be printed, laminated, and displayed in HLB kitchens all over the world! Pure gold.
I have 3 great recipes for crispy Kale chips that don’t have any cornstarch…….anyone hungry?
I have 3 great recipes for crispy Kale chips that don’t have any cornstarch. Anyone interested?
I died! So funny, so true!
In this post you have described me in High Ann Coulter style! I was laughing so hard as I read that my family got curious and asked me to read it aloud. I barely got through it, we all laughed so much. Excellent! Now I need to get off-line and go milk our cow. No grocery store milk for us!
:-)
Droll indeed! Great writing! Mort Sahl once said that modern life is so bizarre you can’t use satire on it. This is as close as you get.
Sounds exactly like my roommate. She’s convinced she can’t have gluten, soy or dairy…..because some hippy told her that all of her problems came from them. She hasn’t been to see a doctor but claims she has this terrible thyroid which leads to all her problems. Forgetful? Thyroid. Late to work? Thyroid makes you oversleep. Can’t fall asleep? Thyroid gives you insomnia. Doesn’t clean up her dishes? Thyroid makes you allergic to soap. Mean? Thryoid gives you a temper. (I’m not joking, except for the soap one). I’m working on eating healthier as well but I eat a mix of things in moderation and focus on veggies and fruit. She keeps telling me all these horrible things gluten is doing to my body….I’m sick of it. I think my bitchiness is cause I’ve got a bad thyroid.
i dont see any credit for rush limbaugh, this article is pretty much verbatim his breakdown of modern diet recs!
Credit is required where someone pulls quotes or facts from another source, not where two writers happen to write about the same or similar topics.
I ran random lines from this post through Google and didn’t turn up any Limbaugh. Unless you’d like to point out where his exact words (the meaning of ‘verbatim’) were lifted and used here, I’m going to assume you’re referring to the only Limbaugh food rant that turned up–a March ’12 screed in which he accused liberals of, among other things, trying to skew food mentality and guilt/trick people into eating healthy. It’s readable online, and it reads nothing at all like this piece of foodie snark poking fun at extreme dieting fads.
Again, simply having a similar topic to discuss or making similar points doesn’t mean one person has copied another.
P.S. My apologies to the author if ‘foodie’ is considered an insult in these parts. :)
Thanks Mo. I have no idea what this Rush Limbaugh thing is about.
Clearly Rush Limbaug does not concern himself with what he eats……………..
Someone, somewhere , thinks I made a prior comment relating to Rush Limbaugh……no, I did not……..To me, ..he is ……..loud and annoying……….if your posting has any similarity to his position……count it up to concurrence………., thank you for your posting. I am sure that R. L. can make his own postings if he is so inclined………….we will all be forced to listen to him…again…and again……and again……….
Well, you’ve nailed my life. This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
Wow, from some of the posts, the food police are alive and well….I suggest folks check out Chris Kresser’s blog…..paleo, low carb, are all templates……subject to modification and level of damage a person has already incurred……the point is to take responsibility for portion control, for dietary choices, for environmental impact…….there is no free lunch……or free calories, or free carbs….it all counts……what is a safe toxin impact? I don’t know……..I just try to keep it all together while still enjoying life. My mother is blind, has alzheimers, has peripherial vascular disease, has macular degeneration, has had 3 strokes, has no independence, and did I mention she is diabetic. My genes are not exactly perfect. I take care of her. I do not want my kids to have to take care of me…..so…I will exercise the level of caution she never thought she needed to. I am not afraid of food but I will be respectful of my intake. I will also be respectful of the choices of others. Just understand, throwing caution to the wind may force choice on those who love you. Loved your blog…….I laughed till I cried…………I still made the kale chips.
Sooooo funny!!! Your post is spot on. Thanks for the laugh!
Excellent & giggle-worthy. (But where the backyard chicks being devoured by the neighbor’s pomerarian-chihuahua mix?)
this was awesome in so many ways. and I dont like that word anymore because it is so overused…but falling short of anything else. your blog is moderately splendid and hits home in so many ways. thank you for the laughs. now I’m going to go cry.
stop eating animals..eat as organically as possible..feed your kids what you want to give them to make them strong and healthy..do not hide behind the stuff about what crock pot to cook your beans in..use those beans and legumes to make vege burgers..eat healthier..do not hide out behind these crazy things you have said..get healthy…avoid gmos…avoid monsanto products…aspartame..asflusamane? all the crazy fake sweetners…really find out which foods you can safely eat without getting too much neurotoxins on your families foods…avocados, bananas, oranges, things with skins…fruit and veges….all root vegetables have the most poison insecticides, because they are at the end of the flowering parts..they catch all the runoff…be smart…too bad corporate America got so involved pushing their pesticides and genetically altered foods off on us all…
I just read this on a link from FB. OMG I love you. This describes several of the people near and dear to me. I’m sure they think I’ll kill them :).
This post is great! I especially like the part about grazing a cow in the common area of the HOA because I’ve been trying to convince our HOA that along with the community garden my husband and I built in the common area, I think we need community chickens. Ok … you weren’t serious and I am, but I still think it’s awesome and incredibly funny.
This is BRILLIANT!!!
HAHA This is awesome. Thanks for the laughs this morning.
Oh, my gosh. How did you know–that’s exactly what I’ve been through. Are you secretly watching me? Lol. Feels good not to be alone.
You can make as much fun of this as you like in your articles, but if it wasn’t for Paleo, I’d be dead by now. Also, you have a lot of misconceptions about Paleo, reading random stuff online. 2/3s in weight on a Paleo dish is supposed to be veggies, not meat/fish. The nightshades and dairy removal is only for those with major auto-immune problems, not for everybody else. Regarding legumes, only lentils lose most of their lectins via fermentation (making them safer). However, it requires a 36 hour fermentation to do so. Green beans, and all other veggies, fruits and tubers are all allowed. The biggest no-nos are grains (they were killing me, even if I’m NOT a celiac), vegetable oils, most unfermented legumes, and excess sugars. Everything else is a go.
Someone posted the link to this blog post on Facebook today. You took the words right out of my mouth. Every time I think I’ve found something good to eat another nutritionist or scientist or doctor tells me, “No. You can’t eat that.” It makes me want to go back to eating whatever I like . . . within reason. Thanks for your post.
Oh dear god this is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time.
Thank you. Thank you so much for the laugh.
I so get this. I have made the decision that I will eat fruits and veggies and lean meat. I can’t worry about all the rest. There is too much to worry about. Besides I learned the hard way a few years back. I had decided to go super healthy. I even changed the cleaning supplies in our house to all natural ones. A week later I went completely numb on my left side. Doctors thought I had a stroke. Nope. Doctors thought I had lupus. Nope. Doctors thought and thought and thought. Then finally I mentioned how annoyed I was that this happened just when I had made so many changes. Turns out I am allergic to tea tree oil.
Hilarious and depressing, simultaneously.
This article is fantastic! I’ve been getting healthier over the past two years as i’ve lost over 100 lbs. I’m certainly guilty of doing my ‘internet study’ and following health trends. This article hits close to home and us health nerds need to be mindful and make sure we don’t become too drastic in our measures to become more healthy!
OMG – this is soooooo true. I don’t know what to eat anymore.
This is hilarious! My eyes were wide with amazement as you ticked off every bit of health related information I had previously sifted through one after another. After stumbling out of the fun house of never-ending health advice, I remained confused; perhaps even more confused than I had been before. But as you stated, one thing remained true: kale is awesome. I think what I learned from all of that excessive research is that paying attention to what REALLY goes on in the big bad food industry, and how YOUR body reacts to different foods is the only way to choose your supposed ‘diet’. Sure, eating pure ingredients that haven’t been processed is important. But when it takes over your life? That’s when things become weird (and annoying!). Great post!
when it gives you cancer, or your many loved ones..and you dont know why they are dying..then maybe you will pay attention to this stupid crap the Monsanto Chemical company is feeding us…90 percent of processed foods have genetically altered organisms in them..all of Kelloggs…most tortilla and corn dishes…l-cystine in bread is a Monsanto chemical, derived from the gel of human hair…Chinese hair is the most protein filled…only then will the real issues with our foods seem like they make sense. Just try to find out if your favorite things are genetically altered..it is simple…many really dont want to stop mis eating…cokes, sugary foods, fried McDonalds foods..supersizing foods that dont spoil when left in the sun for months…it is your call, and your childrens future…you set their aims…..aim high mom and dad…Chemical and pesticide companies dont care about you or your family..it is not being a radical…just using your head…common sense
I do agree that Monsanto has has had a horrible effect on food, and that it has altered many of the ingredients in the food produced all around the world. Processed food sold by fast food companies that have little to zero nutritional value is also something that has become much too normal (and convenient!) to consume in the last 20 years. I am not arguing these facts, so I do not know what your point is against my post. I am merely saying when you worry to the point of it taking over your life (ie, ONLY eating kale since it’s apparently the only thing all of these supposed diet sites can agree on)- then it becomes an issue. By trial and error, I do not mean trying out fast food chains. I mean consuming dairy, eggs and various types of grain in comparison to being strictly vegan etc. I do believe that healthy diets should ALL be based on whole (preferably organic, non-GMO) foods. It’s just where you go from there is what should be catered to your own body and its specific reactions to foods (in my opinion, that is).
you are smart Emma..nothing against you…just venting I guess…against the junk in our food..did you know Monsanto is the maker of Aspartame….that it is a total bad thing for you and also asflusame..total chemicals…..now the agent orange insecticide gene is being spliced into corn and sold to us as big beautiful ears of cancer ridden foods that took twice the amount of pesticides to kill the bugs these guys invented….double down…so bad for babies and other living things…
HaHa loved it! So true about the food deal what to eat and what not to eat that is the question. Some say no meat then others are telling me I am getting too many carbs by juicing. Think I will keep my mouth shut about what I eat and do the best I can! Thanks for you blog, very well said.
This post is hysterical. Love it.
Someone shared this with me. I wish they had told me about the cursing,.
I would like to be able to share this with people, but your unnecessary use profanity prevents me from sharing it. Could you perhaps remove the cursing and make the message so it can be shared with people who do not appreciate profanity?
No, I’m sorry I cannot. http://www.nwedible.com/faq#swearing
Thank you. I will not share your posts with people who might truly benefit from them.
It’s a same you cannot leave off your profanity, but it’s your choice.
Cheers!
Indeed. Best wishes!
The drama on this is beyond my tolerance, I am unfollowing because there are so many inappropriate, annoying comments……your writing is adorable and full of humor, balanced with the conflict of the soul….your positions reflect the approach avoidance so many have with their food issues…but, while I do live Paleo, I refuse to subject myself to people who are so insecure with their choice that they reduce themselves to personal attacks. If something works for someone, they should work it………if it does not……find a path that does…….please folks, do not diminish those who are looking……the answers are all but in………but…if you do not listen, you will never hear the truth……. moving on, luckylin
I am truly sorry that this offends you to the point that you would actually request the author to edit the post. Do you ever leave your home or church?!
Jennifer, you don’t sound “truly sorry” that I am offended by unnecessary profanity. In fact, your questions of me are rude and unwarranted as are your assumptions as to the reason for my objections to profanity. Honestly, since you are not the author, and are not speaking for her, I think it’s not your concern.
I asked the AUTHOR to consider her words would be better shared without the cursing.
Of course I’m not sorry. Your request and sly remarks toward the author are rude and unwarranted. It may not be my concern, but when you post on a public forum rather than sending the author a private message, you’re making it everyone else’s concern.
Since this is not your blog, perhaps you didn’t know that the AUTHOR and OWNER of this blog has this INVITATION for people to comment, even if they disagree (and even if YOU don’t like it):
Comments: like giving your blogger a high-five. Or a punch in the face. Either way, your participation makes this whole thing work, so join in!
Jennifer, it’s simply not your business. I’m unsubbing from these comments since THE AUTHOR answered my question and your opinion has no bearing on it.
It’s cool. As of now, this post has been read approximately 305,000 times and shared on Facebook 16,500 times. If, because of the language or use of satire, it’s not the right fit for some people, I can live with that. Clearly, it’s finding a mostly appreciative audience. :)
Newest “diet/lifestyle” craze info…think it is pretty hilarious that people jump on the Paleo bandwagon just like Atkins, SouthBeach, etc….Until the next great thing comes along…
This is amazing and so true! Love this article.
Only Dane Cook has ever made me laugh harder than this article did. And I was laughing at myself the whole time. You do know me. Thank you.
Thank you! This is TOTALLY how I feel, only for me, it’s what friends say versus me researching it on line! BUT…parkour IS badass! LOL
Ok, I loved everything that you wrote here! Hilarious and so true. We can make ourselves crazy by obsessing over being healthy (and not just food related ways). Thank you for posting! I am sharing this article everywhere :-)
As a Naturopathic Student being bombarded constantly with all of the positives/negative associated with food this may have been one of the funniest and sadly true articles I have read in a while…passing this around at school. Very well written!
I think the sarcasm in this article brings out a humorous view to what so many people argue and fight over these days: environmental issues, organic vs. traditional, animal rights, meat lover vs. vegan, etc. It makes everyone stop and realize the ridiculousness it looks like in the big picture. Great job!!
If you’re only worried about personal health (outside of the ethical issues of food-growing which is important, I’m not discounting it) I say just eat whole unprocessed foods and exercise regularly and stop stressing.
That is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Love it. And guilty. I am so guilty. A mild panic attack occurs at least once a grocery trip. That is quickly followed by a @##$ this, no one is going to die if we get non-organic ___ here and there. It isn’t even on the dirty dozen list, I don’t think anyway. Then the guilt of forgetting the cloth bags while my 3 and 5 year old are melting down because I bribed them mid-store with some sort of hydrogenated sugar to just get through the freaking bulk row. The bulk row where I can get my spelt flour and quinoa. Some quinoa that they probably won’t even eat. After they eat the requisite bites of quinoa and veggies and grass-fed pasture raised wild caught protein, I’ll just make them a P & J anyway.
You’ve obviously been here to Ashland, Oregon.
Wow, I identify with that. I’m just trying to live long enough to go to my granddaughter’ s wedding in 20 or 30 years.
Turns out leafy greens are trying to kill you too: highest rates of food poisoning.
http://seattletimes.com/html/health/2020238047_apusmedriskiestfoods.html
After having read books by Michael Pollen, John Robbins, Atkins, and Eades… I spit a little yerba mate on my keyboard in hysterics while reading this article. Gosh, my brain is sore contemplating low carbs vs. vegan vs. GMO vs. orangic non-GMO…
Whatever you believe to be a wholesome diet, this writer fully captured the brain-space in which many of us mistakenly wander. Lacto-fermented tears of a virgin? I died. I died of laughter.
Thank you for writing this piece, dear Erica. You are brilliantly funny.
Over the past few years, I had lost 170 lbs, without really thinking about it, worrying about what I was doing, just eating… mostly decent food.
Then, over about a 6 month period, I was stressed to the max… long lost love reentered, with a whole crapload of baggage, my overbearing aunt lost her home and moved in with me, a new job that wants me to move across the damn country; all this on top of healing PTSD…
I gained back 40 pounds without even thinking about it.
So I started all over again, this time, actually thinking about it. Or trying to. Figure out what is going in my mouth… that’s safe and healthy and … don’t stress out because stress causes you to retain weight. I completely melted down. SO much so I declared this whole new journey as defunct! And I ranted, very very much like this.
How the hell is someone supposed to put all the information together to make educated and realistic choices.
Ugh.
Your article is much more presentable than my in-the-middle-of-a-mental-breakdown rant, and is exactly how I felt that day. Thank you for taking the time to write it and make us laugh in the process. I’m pretty sure w can all relate to it. <3
Listen guys….I’m sure we’ve all come to the conclusion that we can just be perfect hungry children eating every single thing good for us…especially in this day and age when there is so much deceit in our markets and food chains. But the knowledge we receive should guide us to a more balanced lifestyle. We will die and it may be from the food we eat or the chemicals we breathe. It could be from hereditary diseases or it could be from a plane crashing onto your house. We just need to find a balance in our diet that gives us a healthy lifestyle. I think giving up and just eating foods that are bad for you is lazy and shows disregard to your health. But at the same time, lets not let fear run our lives. Choose your indulgences wisely is all I am saying.
OMG this is EXACTLY what I feel like. It’s all killing me slowly and I might as well just eat McDonald’s than eat veggies unless I buy everything organic. The world is slowly killing itself!
SO love this!!! It’s amazing that we humans are extinct yet!
I laughed my butt off. But seriously maybe I should raise my own rabbits for meat hahaha. Rabbit meat literally costs $20 a pound here.
I’ve been sharing a link to this article with a lot of people on facebook. ;-) Well done.
wtfudge, was that just a long commercial for activa? gross. now i feel gross too
CLASSIC! I cannot stop laughing at this post.
LOVE the terrible tragedy! It wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t so true. :)
This article does really speak to what many are thinking. Should we just not care because it’s too hard to care and better to simply listen to what your body needs.
I was yours at the Mark Knopfler reference. Hilarious and, unfortunately, true. Thanks for a good laugh and a fun article.
Ohmyword. I laughed so hard I spit my breakfast kale on the computer screen ;-)
I am a holistic MD who, like everyone with some knowledge and concern about health and diet, shares many of the same dilemmas discussed in your wickedly funny and well-written essay! I wrote a somewhat more serious essay called Diet and Health on how one can try to sort through all the conflicting claims and information on diet that some might enjoy. It is still a work in progress but can be found at http://drrandybaker.com/
I plan to include a link to this essay as I continue to write it.
As for the discussion re: Lyme Disease, Arthritis and MS above, I will echo that Lyme Disease is incredibly common and under-diagnosed. Lyme commonly manifests (and is misdiagnosed as) Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, ALS etc. Most doctors are fairly clueless about Lyme. IgeneX Western Blot is the best readily-available/relatively affordable test but rather than directly measuring Lyme measures our immune response to it. Ironically, those who are most ill often have negative tests but about 80% with Lyme will have evidence of it on this test- if not a fully positive test, at least an equivocal one. Ultimately, as others have mentioned, Lyme is a clinical diagnosis.
Early Lyme is readily treated with antibiotics. Once it is more advanced (within a few weeks of onset) antibiotics have only limited benefits and it requires a more holistic approach. Those who are most ill with Lyme generally have co-infections like Babesia & Bartonella, intestinal parasites, food sensitivity, nutrient deficiencies etc. and all of these must be addressed.
But Rheumatoid Arthritis can have other microbes that trigger it- an excellent resource is http://www.arthritistrust.org/menu_list/howtogetwell.html
Re: the link between MS and Lyme (I believe most with MS actually have misdiagnosed Lyme) see http://owndoc.com/lyme/multiple-sclerosis-is-lyme-disease-anatomy-of-a-cover-up/
Thanks!
Love this article!! But you ruined the joke at the end by misspelling Activia. Maybe consider revising? Thought you’d want to know.
OMG. Can I ever relate to this post. I watched Food Inc a few weeks ago and one line stood out to me above all the rest.. “cows are corn fed to fatten them up quickly”. It suddenly dawned on me that if it fattens cows up quickly, it probably is fattening me up. So I decided then and there to cut all corn and corn products out of my diet. HOLY CRAP!… corn is in EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything that isn’t still inside its own skin.
I love kale chips. I make them myself with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. And the vinegar contains CORN!!!!!!!!!!
rant and rave… or what? lol…
Bahahahahaha – seriously I have two kids allergic to dairy and two allergic to gluten bla bla bla. Have mostly lived in areas where hardcore foodies congregate (and have been one myself). What a relief to enjoy some sartorial satire. Love this piece. You’ve made my day!
You think this is funny, huh! And yet the more I learn, the longer it takes me to shop and the less food I am actually willing to buy! Organic local kale sauteed in grassfed butter does sound like the longterm solution………
After 20 years of sheepishly asking patients to eat butter, and to come off wheat, dairy and sugar, I’ve turned around to see an army of Paleo-hipsters shouting the same message like they invented it. It helps to laugh, so thank you. You had me at “seasoning of self-satisfaction”. I’m going to share on my FB feed.
Thanks for the laugh. Hilarious post. Made me laugh out loud at work!
Absolutely fabulous- well done, so thoughtful and detailed satire! Thanks, I needed that… :)
Hysterical, and yes I too still eat hot dogs…grass-fed, topped with LF sauerkraut , hold the roll. :)
Sometimes I go through this. Reading articles about horse meat and pink slime, Monsanto wrecking vegetables, GMO fruits, chemicals in EVERYTHING. It can be very overwhelming!!
When you’re so stressed out about what you’re eating, the anxiety will make you sick. Period. Thanks for helping me laugh at my insecurities!
FINALLY! This is exactly the freakish hell I’ve been living in over the last year. No matter what you read – everything contradicts everything else – and everyone’s an expert – and NOTHING WORKS! Gah! I’m going back to my donuts.
(Seriously. Thanks for the post. LOVED every minute of it.)
hysterical, I was giggling the whole way through. I’d love for yout tocheck out out menus at http://phatburn.com/category/menus/ and tear one apart. IM literally still laughing.
Hilarious! And it perfectly makes the point I always try to underline, there are no clear-cut, perfectly and absolutely healthy foods. There’s always some level of compromise you have to accept. If you think about it, even the oxygen will eventually kill us with all these free radicals. What you’re gonna do, stop breathing? Just accept you’re mortal and move on.
Unfortunately a lot of people obsess about food for real. Even though orthorexia nervosa is still not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association and is not included in DCM IV I won’t be surprised if it pops up in one of the following editions.
OMG. Hysterical! You are a very talented writer!!!! I will be reposting this on FB and come back for more. Thank you!!!
All this worrying about food makes me nostalgic for the good old days when I just had to worry about eating my vegetables so I could have dessert.
Hilarious, your post :-). Indeed, all you can do these days(if you listen to the health extremists) is probably stop eating all together. Oh, and by the way, there is an article circulating online about Activia and rat anal whatever. maybe you could pass it on to your doctor next time you see her ;-)?
I’m still laughing. Great post!
Thank you for a smile and reminder that life is too short!
Hasenpfiefer is for hare’s not bunny rabbits. Treat it like chicken or veal.
Realistically, to much of eating/drinking anything can make you sick or kill you. DUH!!!
Also horticulturally speaking, The FDA is in place to prevent food fraud and organic gardening is good but you’re at high risk of bacteria & fungus on your own terms. So you have to decide pesticides or bacteria/ fungus?
LOL ok really not funny!! You just described the past year of my life, since being diagnosed with celiac disease and most recently developing a horrible allergy to dairy….I mean like food poisoning reaction I have been on a mission to figure it all out. Oh my I had no idea how confused I actually on what healthy eating meant. . Slowly getting there with some help from the raw food foodies
Well that was the funniest thing I have read in a while. Funny because my girldfriends and I discuss these very issues all the time! I do however, have the luxury of actually being a small farm owner. I raise all beef and chicken organically. Use the cow poo, aged to perfection, for my gardens which are to organic. But they are not labelled as such because that causes a whole set of other headaches. I love Kale but there are many other vegies that are good if not better. I drink only raw Jersey milk from the Raw Dairy down the road. But hell yes I will eat a cupcake from the bakery in town. Everything is going to kill you because you are going to die one day no matter what. If you don’t enjoy your life all the organics in the world won’t help you!
Fun Blog
So as I am reading this, all the stress of trying to eat healthy is coming back to me and … is STRESSING ME OUT!! haha. This was pretty funny, but I honestly feel the same way sometimes. :) Thanks for the laugh! (and the stress)
You have made all my recent woes funny, and therefore, my friend, YOU ROCK.
Oh my goodness, this post is hilarious and completely spot-on! You hit all my ridiculous,over-privlidged food neuroses right on their silly little heads. Thanks for the laugh – I will definitely keep looking for more brilliant posts. :-D
Hey, you have a better chance living a little bit longer by eating *something* than by eating nothing…
Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!|
Thanks for this! While I don’t ever anticipating ever going “that far” (because I’m also committed to being debt free…) reality checks are important! :)
Amazing Article ~ love it. i’ll just pray on each meal…and i’ll be fine. who knows when we’re going to die anyways!!
Shame on you all for hurting bunnies! They are cute and sweet. The article itself was hilarious though.
Awesome! A not-so-gentle, but oh-so-funny reminder that we need to use a balanced portion of common sense. We generally have a WAPF-based diet but have lightened up quite a bit over the last year due to finances, fellowship maintainence, and time (hours and hours) more well-spent playing (for ME) w/the grandkids than working in the kitchen. I love it, I love doing it, but keeping more of a balance than I had in the past keeps more peace and happiness in my home and in my heart…and I’m absolutely certain those things play out hugely in the arena of health.
I just wanted to say…..what a great, perfectly written article. Thank you for this, you sum up my thoughts / feeling on this topic so well. Fear mongering is becoming so commonplace these days and everyone is an expert and knows best. Thanks again!
You people make me sick :S
This was hilarious! As someone who is totally suspicious of most foods and has a hard time finding foods that are supposedly safe to eat and then often discovers those foods aren’t safe either, I really enjoyed your article. Thanks! :D
This is hilarious. Unfortunately it’s all true. The punch line should be: when it comes down to it, moderation wins.
Kale is great, I don’t remember the last time I ate rabbit, gluten isn’t all bad unless you are celiac. I support drinking raw milk, cows taste better but goat is better for you. Coconut oil is also great, and definitely eat butter and the sour probiotic yogurt as opposed to margarine and sugary skim milk yogurt…. really well done, funny! Thanks and I will re-post on fb. Btw the sheer amount of comments on this is overwhelming and surprising how the conversation shifts, organically :) some good work being done
This says it all. As a person wading through the intricacies of fighting cancer, I am constantly moaning about what all this research really means. One minute I should drink coffee, but the next minute it will kill me. Thanks for putting this all in one place with humor! LOVE IT!
I don’t read Erica’s blog for health advice. I don’t eat organic food just to be healthy. I know I am going to die, and probably won’t be healthy doing it. But I swear I will laugh until the end of my days, and I am going to have some damn good meals on the way to the inevitable. I like meat, I like veg, bread is good too. Erica’s blog is the butter for my bread. A little humor makes the day taste better… and the occasional recipe keeps me sampling things I never thought to try.
This was the funniest article I have read in a loooooong time – HILARIOUS – you just made my day and made me have a good, healthy laugh at myself! Awesome writing you cheeky gal :) x
Humour is FUNNY….sadly if grown ups talk like what I have read here….no wonder some wonder why their kids get into trouble….do they think bullying is funny too? Humour is something to laugh at that never ever harms or upsets another. Too many ppl mistake cruelty and ignorance for humour. This topic has gone way off topic sadly into a topic of sickened posts. This world will never be a good place to live when ppl treat or even so called joke about cruelty to animals or humans. Where is your decency? Jails are filled with young ppl from families with sick humour etc…think about it. Have I eaten rabbit…yes, when raised properly and killed properly…yes, as with other animals. Do I support inhuman conditions for any animal…no way! Do I support any immoral behaviour…no way…I wish you well and wish you to find a better way of finding humour and getting along without harming another. Even a little…not cool~!
In Saying the above..I forgot to mention tho that I am sickened by some of the comments….I LOVED the ARTICLE.
So seriously, what the F**k are we allowed to eat, that IS healthy or morally ethical for us? This whole article talks about what we think is healthy, and then the author gives a big shooting spree of downers for everything. Jeez, I may as well become a Sadhu in India. Then I don’t have to eat, drink, or defecate for the rest of my life.
Almost died laughing! This pretty much suns up my feelings. People come to me for gluten free ideas because they know my daughter has Celiac, my first reaction is to say “if you don’t have celiac wheat is not the enemy so don’t waste your time”
Can we all just recognize the ingeniously written satire that sits before us? Amazing.
But, the coconut oil in your mayonnaise is a tropical oil, which is very high in sat fat. So you should have been dying of a heart attack before you had the kidney stones. Hope this helps!
(thanks, that was hilarious.)
Ha ha ha! I’m vegan now so that is the majority of the animal ethics out of the way, just the GMO and mass farming health and ethics to deal with now!
Rabbits are suppose to be a really healthy meat to eat , although since I have rabbits as pets I don’t think I could eat a rabbit.
Satire with a heavy dose of sarcasm here one thinks. Fortunately US food is not allowed in Europe! However the point of this I believe is to highlight the neurosis caused by trying to understand the minefield of information on healthier eating. This indeed is true, as we all find that the golden egg product that is marketed as the answer to our healthy lifestyle dreams, is actually produced using some vile and toxic manufacturing process. The biggest hurdle we all face is labelling, or more to the point, the lack of it. Until we are given our human rights to be informed of the nature of a product’s true contents and chemicals used in its growth and manufacture then the minefield will continue. Look how long it took westerm governments to impose advertising restrictions and health warnings about a simple single ingredient in tobacco products before we anticipate such a move on the minefield of food production. That said there are some totally obvious health issues with certain foods and it is wise, whatever we read, to be sensible with our eating lifestyles. Fortunately here in Europe, organic raw foods are not tainted and cross-contaminated with GMO or chemicals that give boys breasts. And whilst my ten year old boy remains pretty much the healthiest kid in his school, only catching a mild sniff of an annual cold, he will continue to eat organic real food knowing that with the information available to us, it is still the most widely regarded sensible way to eat.
I have no idea how I’m only just seeing this, although it’s possible I’ve commented already and am forgetting in my old(ish) age, but HELLS YEAH. This is hilarious. Love it. Thank you. :>
Thank you for sharing this.. that is how I feel all the time with my shopping list in hand…
5$ lemons or $2 lemons.. its frustrating. So I share the sentiment.
:)
Ya’ll missed the point of the sarcasm!…lol….Great piece, Erica! I think I’ll go have a cup of coffee and a sweet roll…dinner is Chicken, boxed stuffing and non-organic green beans. lol
In response to this article,
What is there that is commonly available and or even industrially produced that is relatively safe and “healthy” to eat?
Is the key just to mix it up and keep variety in your diet?
My diet doesn’t seem to hurt me too much, and all I do is avoid candy, soda, energy drinks and fast food 98% of the time.
I don’t have ethical concerns about meat since the small butchers and farmer have been all but driven out of business, although I enjoy buying locally when seasonally available.
I can not raise my own live stock.
This is amazing!!! Haven’t laughed so hard in a while. The first paragraph sounds almost exactly as me. My husband laughed so hard when he read it cause it reminded him of me so much! :D
You are very confused, and frustrated.
Aaaand it’s like you just summed up my life. Sigh.
The healthy version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie…
That was hands-down the best blog article I’ve ever read… this coming from one of those health blog-obsessed people that switches from paleo to traditional food to vegan in a week. ;) Thanks for the laugh!
Ha, this is awsome. I love how people take this so literal. PS i think rabbit is my favorite meat, roast it in the oven with your favorite spices and wine and its delicious
Heya! I know this is kind of off-topic however I needed
to ask. Does managing a well-established blog like yours take a massive amount work?
I’m brand new to operating a blog but I do write in my journal every day. I’d like to start a
blog so I can easily share my experience and views online.
Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips
for new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!
Eating rabbit is gross. Eating green is gross.
Hilarious post! Just did a post on my blog about making your own Baked kale chips! Ha ha. Love it.
Cheers
- Britt
WAIT! Don’t cheers, I don’t even want to get you started on the toxins in alcohol! :)
Thanks for the laugh! I say everything in moderation. Can’t just munch on kale all day, though I am growing some in my garden!
hi erica, i’m with you and have been for nearly a decade. i would first like to add that you left out the flouridated water and flushed pharmaceuticals in the water company’s “treated” water. then there’s deforestation because of the palm oil in all the vegan foods, not to mention that the entire ocean’s ecosystem rests on the tiny backs (or should i say dorsal fins) or the lowly menhaden that, unfortunately for it, has really dense amount of omega-3 fatty acids. typically, everyone seems more concerned for the plight of the rabbit (there’s so so adorable) and have missed the humor. as far as solutions, it’s a bit daunting. i’ve heard that juicing cannabis is as close to a panacea as we’re ever gonna get for all the life threatening conditions brought on by all the poisonous food. they’ve opened clinics around the world to use this juice therapy… just not in the united states ’cause we’re so progressive as a society. other than that, i guess you’ll have to become a forager. they say there’s 1500 species of edible greens growing wild and on the edges of parking lots all across the country. of course, mis-identifying some similar looking plants could kill you or give you kidney failure but at least it would one’s own mistake instead of the industrial food production regime. good luck, really enjoyed the post… rabbit killer!
There is so much awesome here!
Omg.. This absolutely made my day!
I’m a Lean Cuisine and Special K convert into real foods and I am faced with these life dilemmas daily lol.
So I finally found a way to tolerate the god-given kale.. And now you’re telling me its fried?! So much to know! And so much more to worry about! ;)
Love this article and really puts our obsessive healthy eating into a whole new perspective..
I know this is all meant to be in fun. However, as a mother of a child who was hospitalized for three months in Lucile Packard’s Children’s Hospital for Orthorexia, this is not a joke. Some, especially children, are terrified that foods are harmful and will kill them. This is a real disorder, and in reality, eating ice cream, or genetically modified meat is better for young people than starving because they are terrified to eat anything.
As I sit here I am drinking water out of a plastic cup. And don’t even get me started on the food I ate today….. probably every single thing I ate is going to simultaneously give me cancer or protect me from cancer. Didn’t even have kale today.
But in all seriousness… my parents are awesome for teaching me how to eat a balanced diet rather than my having to teach it to myself. They even are vegetarian, so I didn’t even have to teach myself that either!
You forgot to mention that the 17mpg SUV would have gotten 19mpg if it didn’t have ethanol laced fuel in it.
Eating healthy is actually pretty easy…just read some food literature (ex. Sugar Blues or The Omnivore’s Dillemma) and buy some vegan/vegetarian cookbooks…works for me :)
Love this! Great writing!
Thank you so much for this article. I can remember a similar journey when I first started researching (and the kind of tailspin I still have to talk myself through sometimes) “healthy eating”. Sometimes, it’s nice to just laugh about this. Thanks for the perspective.
After talking about my food fears on Facebook after reading Michael Pollan’s book, I was sent to read this post, and haven’t laughed so much in days.
This was me above that posted a link to your blog in our weight loss maintainers weekly chat on another website. I love it! I’ve never seen your blog before today so I’m catching up. And probably buying your gardening journal. :)